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    dots Submission Name: Fallingdots

    Author: Anchiale
    ASL Info:    32/F/AL
    Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 88/73/14
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1170
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 775

       This poem deals with longing to be with someone, and not having the courage to tell them.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    You can read my mind,
    but can you understand my heart?
    A vision of loving as 1, not 2,
    longing for passion and joy
    that I want to share with you.
    Could you even comprehend,
    the hours I spend
    Imagining how sexy you are
    but knowing it doesn't even matter...
    Anxiety from waiting to interact with you,
    because it's not a physical attraction.
    It just happened from our mental interaction,
    and I'm...
    with each passing day it becomes stronger.
    Wishing someone could help me put my emotions on hold,
    because I just dont know if I can keep up the charade any longer...

    Submitted on 2004-09-24 10:22:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Understand this emotion completely. Imaging someone from dawn til dusk and realizing how hopeless it's going to be. . . and the faint realization that hovers on the edge of consciousness that one day he IS going to find out, and then where will I be?

    I liked this piece. That one line of rhyme was so cool; "attraction" and "interaction" were a really neat pair. Rhymes like that are always fun. I also liked the falling part. . . literally, how it fell. I love writing stuff like that, that kinda symbolizes the word. Good write!

    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      Firstly, I like the way you've structured 'falling' in this poem as it does look like the word is actually falling. Aside from that, the rest of the write was good but I just felt it lacked raw emotion behind the piece, because this piece all about looks and, as a consquence, infactuation, which is WAY different from love. Just a thought.
    | Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      the falling is a nice touch, and but I am not sure about the 'loving as 1, not 2' and if you are Anxious to talk, how did you asstablish a mental connection??
    | Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
      you are all up in my business!...
    let me explain.

    in high school i was IN LOVE,and still secretly am, still in love with this brain. Notice I didn't say the guy himself, even though he was a sweet package.
    He was about 6'2, gorgeous tan brown skin, cute smile, tight buns.. you know, a package.
    but it was his mind, his convetsation. I am telling you that that man feed my brain in ways that I haven't experienced since.. and i didn't see him as sexual AT ALL...
    and i still love him... I would have his kids.. just to have little brainiac kids that could make me proud of them...

    I don't know, I still think about him sometimes.. it's kinda hard not to, you know?

    anyway, look what this piece did, taking me down memory lane, in the best possible way..

    i think that the elite on this site are missing out on you, you are an awesome writer!
    luvs ya chick
    | Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by Oracle | [ Reply to This ]
      You'v got the right Idea, but Love isn't that simple, when your in love, it's not about the butter flies, or the tingles so much per-say, but then again everyone is different, but I knew when, he showed me what love is all about. We were homeless for nine months before we moved to Sandiego. He always made sure that I came first and was taken care of. When your in high school those are just crushes, because as you get older your body changes and your mind expands and your taste in men most defenitely do. But I really enjoyed reading it, alll though I thought it could use some more detail.
    | Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by lost and alone | [ Reply to This ]

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