across the room

Author: mimi ASL Info:    30/f/ny Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597 /390 /111 Words: 76

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 1231 Average Vote:    4.0000 Bytes: 518

Description:

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across the room

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I saw you from across the room something in me responded to The look in your eyes. The hidden meaning behind your expression And you. I heard you speak from across the room And something in me Responded to The sound of your voice It’s depth, clarity, Confidence, and intelligence I want another chance to See you Speak to you And see if Something in you Responds to Me.

Submitted on 2004-09-24 13:33:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

I like the short, chopped phrasing. Most of the time, choppiness, or abrupt line changes, bother me, but this was excellent use of short lines for force a more breathy, more excitied, feel. I can't say I've ever felt like this with anyone... but I love the sentiment and would like to think that one day... hehe :)

| Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]

Great! You capture that Romeo and Juliet thing very well in this. I like your usage of "confidence and intelligence" words fit together well. Nice use of short phrases. Makes it simple, so the reader gets to fill in the blanks. Cool!

| Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]

I like the poem. This poem reminds me of one that I wrote not that long ago...it was about me and my boyfriend. We started out just seeing each other and not knowin what was to come. You describe what it's like to look across the room at someone that you think you might connect with! Keep up the good work!

| Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by codysangel | [ Reply to This ]

This started out very nice, the lines: The look in your eyes The sound of your voice Correspond so nicely but you didn't carry that through but it was still a good read.

| Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]

Ykno. This is how I've met a ffew of my g/fs. Its the really reason I'm glad to be big and tall with a loud deep voice. It definitely connected to me on an emotional level, but I think it does in fact need some more work because - i dunno its not poetically effective at all. shard

| Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]

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