What Is What I Need? by brunov68

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Submission Name: What Is What I Need? dots

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Author:	brunov68
ASL Info:	22/M/Toronto
Elite Ratio:	4.34 - 311/320/30
Words:	140

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	323
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	923

Description:
There is no where to go but down when you're at the top.. I was at the top.

What Is What I Need? dots

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Here I am at yesterday's tomorrow
with no goals, no nothing accomplished.
I know my faults, how I am,
yet I can't help but to do it all over again.
Over and over again.
Time trickles into my hands, I mishandle it,
and away it goes.
Why can't I be like everyone else?
Life holds nothing but anguish,
disappointments, self-despise and suicide
(either physical or emotional)
to an artist wanna-be like myself.
I will never make it - I will never make it.
Repeating this to myself,
over and over again
doesn't seem to convince my foolish mind.
I need to leave.
I feel too much,
I love too much,
I am too devoted to everything
and nothing at the same time.
I need to go,
to burn,
to die.
I need to awake from this dream
that is life.

Submitted on 2004-09-24 17:51:03 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  wow some people really write "books" to you for a comment. i like this, although i find a common theme amoung your work and it bothers me. maybe i can help you out with that sometime.
| Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
  what bruno needs... is kiera!

come back, i miss you. or better yet, let me come there... we can hatch an evil plot and i won't have to be here for the LONG COLD winter!
| Posted on 2004-10-15 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm intrsting write. (I have the Internet back possibly had it for awhile and just didn't know it- I thought it was dead the last few timws I tried it.. anyway I think this poem describes how I'm feeling. With everything going on right now I'm kinda down. But you did an excellent job of expressing how you feel as well.
| Posted on 2004-09-29 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, I don't think you are looking for writing help here, I just wanted to tell you that when you look at others and wish you could be like them, well, each of them has his own demons, and life isn't like what you read in Hallmark cards. That's why people like Hallmark cards, but if you think life should be like that, well that just makes you sad. But life isn't that bad, you can always make it better, hard work, bro, hard work.
Write on.
Dave
| Posted on 2004-09-25 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  whats with these people writing so much...must have alot of time on their hands...oh well. good poem, my dear. i was looking through the box of notes and things from you. very sad job. i was reading some of them, where you said you couldn't stand to be away from me, and that you loved me very much. i miss that very much. even though my friend says i should burn them all, i don't have the heart for that, because even though that part of my life is gone, it still brings a smile to my sad face, that someone loved me so much at one time. i hope you can forgive me for all the trouble i have caused you. i know this poem has nothing to do with me, i just wish and dream that it was...

-edward
| Posted on 2004-09-25 00:00:00 | by EdwardScissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, powerful poem. I think that a lot of people would be able to relate to this. "I need to go,
to burn,
to die.
I need to awake from this dream
that is life." That really opened my eyes, I think that it's the best part of the poem. and I know that I can relate to it. Well, good write, keep it up! Kriss
| Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by juss_kriss | [ Reply to This ]
  Beautiful and amazing. . . you've really captured something original and not original at the same time. . . a lot of us go through this, myself included, so keep your chin up. However, I thought some interesting line breaks would make this cooler, so here's my revision. . .

Here I am at yesterday's tomorrow
with no goals, no nothing accomplished.
I know my faults, how I am,
yet I can't help but to do it all over again.

over and over and over

Time trickles into my hands, I mis-hand-le it,
and away it goes.
Why can't I be like everyone else?
Life holds nothing but anguish,
disappointments, self-loathing and suicide
(either physical or emotional)
to an artist wanna-be like
myself.

I will never make it - I will never make it.

The repetition echoes in my mind
over and over and over again
still doesn't convince my foolish mind.
I need to leave.
I feel too much,
I love too much,
I am too devoted to everything
and nothing at the same time.
I need to go,
to burn,
to die.
I need to awake from this dream
that is life.

I hope you take my advice. . . if you make any changes let me know. . . this could be my new favorite.
-Secret
| Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
  Man, you need to get some help. I don't necessarily know what your reasons are for this state of emotion, but I've been there. It's not healthy. I do think this poem is worthwhile. I don't agree with the concepts, but I will revise it!

"Here I am at yesterday's tomorrow"
*I like how you turned today into yesterday's tommorrow. nice touch.*

"with no goals, no nothing accomplished."
*I am confused-no nothing? I'm not sure what exactly you mean*

I know my faults, how I am,
yet I can't help but to do it all over again.
Over and over again.
*Repitition is a nice touch here*

"Time seems to come, I mishandle it,
and away it goes.
Why can't I be like everyone else?"
*I find this part quite oridinary. Could use some more imagery or different wording*

"Life holds nothing but anguish,
disappointments, self-despise and suicide"
(either physical or emotional)
*I like how you added physical or emotional, but bad way to state it.*

"to an artist wanna-be like myself.
I will never make it - I will never make it.
Repeating this to myself,
over and over again"
*Know what you mean. I'm a dancer/singer/writer/violist that always seems to be second place, never best. It puts you down. luckily i am stubborn and determined and push myself hard. neways...*

"doesn't seem to convince my foolish mind.
I need to leave.
I feel too much,
I love too much,
I am too devoted to everything
and nothing at the same time."
*I can also relate to this. Nicely said. I feel your pain. (lol I sound like some talk show host) you get the point*

"I need to go,
to burn,
to die."
*The piece gets a bit angst here. This isn't metaphorical, and doesn't belong. I think it bring the poem down.*

"I need to awake from this dream
that is life."
*Excelent way to end this.*

Thats all i really have to say. Keep writing. i think your works can really improve. You have the mass talent in ya.
| Posted on 2004-09-24 00:00:00 | by roxygirl239 | [ Reply to This ]

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