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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thoughts in the Hollow Hallwaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Leila
    ASL Info:    19/female/South Africa
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 98/85/18
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 335
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 908



    Description:
       This poem does not stem from any personal experience, but rather from putting myself in the shoes of an abandoned wife.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThoughts in the Hollow Hallwaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Screams echoed in the hollow hallway,
    the silence shattered by bitter weeping.
    She lays in a battered heap,
    used and broken, her desperation leaking.

    Her mind wanders, poisoned by suicide,
    as she pulls at her hair in frustration.
    She yearned to end this nostalgia,
    but it was her only occupation.

    It was nauseating without him,
    like her bread had been snatched away,
    to feed a younger, vibrant soul
    like she had been some day.

    Just the other day they had pledged,
    bound in sickness, health and age.
    Now he was free, like he had always dreamt,
    but left her in their cage.

    A steamengine of sorrow controls her,
    while he had moved on, by a country mile.
    She'd slash her wrists in a pretty white gown
    before the next time she saw that aisle.




    Submitted on 2004-09-25 07:41:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      it is very good it really shows how a abonanded wife must feel the last line needs to be rewritten the part before the next time she saw the asile doesn't make sense but apart from that i loved your poem very emotional
    | Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by dark silence | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very powerfull, and you use imagery in it that lets us visulize the woman, thouh a few lines did seem alittle forced. The "bread" line, I'd get rid of that, and replace it with something different, but that's just me.Even with that, It's still powerfull and hardhitting.nice write
    -camoflage
    | Posted on 2004-09-25 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good poem...I could visulise what you were saying. It really brings you into the poem, and makes you live it.
    | Posted on 2004-09-25 00:00:00 | by Kera | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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