Description: This one came naturally after some thought probing and the all important element of time. Enjoy. Any suggestions for the genre, because 'love' gives the wrong impression in my opinion.
From My Sky -------------------------------------------
When I walk the path of life
I end up in the same place
Though I follow all the signs
They always lead to your face.
I see the eyes that take me back in time
I hear a voice cut through the trees
I feel the love rush out of me
And then fall like autumn leaves.
I've seen your star rise and fall
In the chaos of my navy sky
Though there may be heavy rain
The storm clouds won't pass by,
The tears when I meant nothing
Were lost within the night
Now maybe you'll see the space
From which you took the light.
When I watch the sky of dreams
The same cloud is never far
Because the wind's in my direction
When you can't accept who you are.
The fact that you're my first love
The chance you'll be my last
The way you denied our future
When you already filled my past.
I've seen your star rise and fall
From the chaos within my sky
Though there may be falling rain
The grey clouds won't pass by,
The tears when I meant nothing
Were lost within the night
Now maybe you'll see the space
From which you took the light.
Even after all these years
I still cry all my tears
With you within my mind,
Maybe when it's said and done
I will look towards the sun
And see you're one of a kind.
I've seen your star rise and fall
In what was a navy sky
Now the dreams are spirited away
With the clouds that now drift by.
This was so beautiful. You did such a wondeful job the comparisons, imagery everything. It brought a little water to my eyes. You know how they say there is one special someone for everyone out there? See what I always think is ok there is someone for everyone....but what if you have already passed him by? Tough question huh? Well anways great write I loved it! -Christina aka POETRY
This is so gorgeous. This time reading it, I actually cried because it reminded me of a time I could have been in love. And it makes me so much more lonely. Paragraph 1: "They always lead to your face" this paragraph is like an entire year of my life. I was with this guy I couldn't stand and I hated myself for hating him and still being with him, and hated myself even more for thinking about him like that. Paragraph 2: Makes me think of eyes so brilliant I see them when they're not there and a voice so sweet I hear it in my dreams. And then being let down because I don't get to stare into those eyes anymore or listen to that voice whisper in my ear. Paragraph 3: the first half is bringing me back to that relationship again, like I could be with him even though my mind and feelings were so screwed up at the time. The last half reminds me of when that relationship was over. It left me felling worthless, like I had never meant anything at all and I cried from the emptiness he left. Paragraph 5: My first "love" was infuriating. I wanted it to last forever because it was so great in the past but when it was bad our future was clearly denied. So wow this is really long and really getting personal, not that I mind telling you this, anyways this was absolutely phenominal, if thats how you spell that. -Steph
This is a beautiful peice. You definitely know how to write about love. I love your work thus far and I think you are very talented. What I like about your writing is the way you use words, your poems always flow well. Another great job! *Amanda*
God, I might have to stalk your ass. I'd watch your back. Your poems paint this beautiful apathetical picture for me to relate to on totally different levels and the same ones as you also. *Shakes head* There hasn't been one here that hasn't made me cry. Its completely awesome. ~BCute
Though I follow all the signs They always lead to your face
So true. no matter what i do, no matter where i go i see her. its kind of scary to think of one person so much. but alas it makes me get out of bed in the morning. great work jim.
Oh man. This poem is so bittersweet man...if you played this with the right music and sang it with a nice little croon about it, you'd have chicks throwing themselves at you *gives you a helmet*
It was very good. I think you could file it in the Love genre, cuz the feelings i got were that you were in love with this chick, before she left just like that cloud. Ugh. How sad
james, well was gonna read your haikus but then saw the new piece and well i'm gonna read this first and then the others if i have time. awsomely written. great use of metaphors and imagery. you sure have polished your writings dude. great chorus. and i particularly like the way you change the chorus the last time, you know some lines?
"The fact that you're my first love The chance you'll be my last The way you denied our future When you already filled my past." This is all so beautiful. I love that part ^. I understand this. The chaos within your sky. I have the same type of chaos. As for people saying 'Get over it', I say screw them. You can 'move on' and not 'get over' your love for this person. I really got this. Great job. It's a look from your sky to hers in a sense. The feelings you are feeling really showed in this. It's sad, but at least something good like this poem came out of it. Excellent. -blt
the second to last stanza is brilliant, the whole thing is wonderful. i'm sure a lot of people feel like this once in their life, like their lost between love and life. writing is a great way to vent, and your venting is beautiful. keep it up -steph
THis was really deep. I love the way in the chorus kinda thing you chnaged the words...IT gave it more thought...and meaning kind of. I think the best genre for you would just be...more longing than love u know.
I didn't quite understand some parts, some parts I realy loved like "I've seen your star rise and fall From the chaos within my sky". I usualy don't like rhyming but in this case it sound very good. It simply flows. Good work.
wow this flows really nicely, good rhythmn. i personally have a partiality to sky imagery so i really like this work. it's cool how you kept the extended metaphor with the sky through the whole thing. keep up the good work.
thoughts, Well this almost makes me wish I was the thinking sort. Hmmm.. Since I rarely do actually think I'll just say.. Good job. Sorry that I'm not the intelligent sort.
Submission Name: From My Sky
