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Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

Night Dancer

Author:	Memphis
ASL Info:	21/f/Right Here
Elite Ratio:	5.13 - 130 /158 /31
Words:	119

Class/Type:	Poetry /Misc
Total Views:	1111
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	766

Description:

Some more late night writing... let me know what you think of it. Thanks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first thing you'll see is the revised version of the poem. The original felt like it was lacking. I left it up below the revision if you'd like to see where this originated.

Night Dancer

I embrace the night
And darkness becomes me.
He strips me of shame
And dresses me in the shadows of weary travelers.
He only asks
For one thing in return.
So I dance with my eyes closed
Burning circles into the ground.
Knowing the sun comes
A breeze delivers his kiss,
A promise of his return tomorrow.

I would not have it any other way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Original version of poem)

I embrace the night and darkness becomes me.
In a mad fit of a Lover's passion I cried out
And it answered me.
It drains my shame
And dresses me in the shadows of weary travellers.
I would not have it any other way.

Submitted on 2004-09-27 14:34:53 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

Hi "young female from far far away"! You commented on my "namesake" poem, so I thought I would read your poetry. All young people express emotions and feel that because it is personal, it must be poetry. A poem must also be crafted and it is this respect that distinguishes you from the herd. You have a careful, controlled use of language, a nice use of imagery and a clever pun (I hope intentional) in your use of the word "becomes". Well done.

| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]

The revised piece is great. Good job. The original is just plain you know? I love the vision of the wind delievering his kiss. Dancing is such an emotional and spiritual thing that this really went well with the piece. I don't think you could have put in anything to make it sound anymore lovey but yet still reserved. I really enjoyed this. Great job with the revision.
-blt

| Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]

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Night Dancer

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Night Dancer

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