Description: Some more late night writing... let me know what you think of it. Thanks!
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The first thing you'll see is the revised version of the poem. The original felt like it was lacking. I left it up below the revision if you'd like to see where this originated.
Night Dancer -------------------------------------------
I embrace the night
And darkness becomes me.
He strips me of shame
And dresses me in the shadows of weary travelers.
He only asks
For one thing in return.
So I dance with my eyes closed
Burning circles into the ground.
Knowing the sun comes
A breeze delivers his kiss,
A promise of his return tomorrow.
I would not have it any other way.
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(Original version of poem)
I embrace the night and darkness becomes me.
In a mad fit of a Lover's passion I cried out
And it answered me.
It drains my shame
And dresses me in the shadows of weary travellers.
I would not have it any other way.
Hi "young female from far far away"! You commented on my "namesake" poem, so I thought I would read your poetry. All young people express emotions and feel that because it is personal, it must be poetry. A poem must also be crafted and it is this respect that distinguishes you from the herd. You have a careful, controlled use of language, a nice use of imagery and a clever pun (I hope intentional) in your use of the word "becomes". Well done.
The revised piece is great. Good job. The original is just plain you know? I love the vision of the wind delievering his kiss. Dancing is such an emotional and spiritual thing that this really went well with the piece. I don't think you could have put in anything to make it sound anymore lovey but yet still reserved. I really enjoyed this. Great job with the revision. -blt
Submission Name: Night Dancer
