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Night Dancer

Author: Memphis
ASL Info:    21/f/Right Here
Elite Ratio:    5.13 - 130 /158 /31
Words: 119
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1111
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 766


Some more late night writing... let me know what you think of it. Thanks!
The first thing you'll see is the revised version of the poem. The original felt like it was lacking. I left it up below the revision if you'd like to see where this originated.

Night Dancer

I embrace the night
And darkness becomes me.
He strips me of shame
And dresses me in the shadows of weary travelers.
He only asks
For one thing in return.
So I dance with my eyes closed
Burning circles into the ground.
Knowing the sun comes
A breeze delivers his kiss,
A promise of his return tomorrow.

I would not have it any other way.

(Original version of poem)

I embrace the night and darkness becomes me.
In a mad fit of a Lover's passion I cried out
And it answered me.
It drains my shame
And dresses me in the shadows of weary travellers.
I would not have it any other way.

Submitted on 2004-09-27 14:34:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Hi "young female from far far away"! You commented on my "namesake" poem, so I thought I would read your poetry. All young people express emotions and feel that because it is personal, it must be poetry. A poem must also be crafted and it is this respect that distinguishes you from the herd. You have a careful, controlled use of language, a nice use of imagery and a clever pun (I hope intentional) in your use of the word "becomes". Well done.
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  The revised piece is great. Good job. The original is just plain you know? I love the vision of the wind delievering his kiss. Dancing is such an emotional and spiritual thing that this really went well with the piece. I don't think you could have put in anything to make it sound anymore lovey but yet still reserved. I really enjoyed this. Great job with the revision.
| Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]

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