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inferno


Author: mimi
ASL Info:    30/f/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597 /390 /111
Words: 61
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 953
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 408



Description:




inferno



Trace the contours of my face.
Let me feel your warm embrace,
For tonight,
Hold me tight.
Love me slow
Let me know
The depth of the inferno
You are building with
Your lips,
and
finger tips.
Enter the gates of
my love..
Getting ready,
Slow and steady.
You come, and I arrive
With you.




Submitted on 2004-09-27 22:35:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Well, this was a pretty cool little poem to read...I liked the music of it, the pacing, I guess...although I wasn't so sure that the content matched it as far as passion/intenisty....lines like 'Enter the gates of
my love'.. were mood killers for me...


You come, and I arrive
With you.

these lines here told but seem to carry the heat needed. I see enough to know I won't be disappointed if I check out other poems from you. You show a great ear and rhythm in your words...and that's the goodstuff
| Posted on 2004-09-27 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  Very passionate and sexual, but beautifully phrased. I think the simplistic style of it makes it feel like a truly great poem as opposed to some romance novel with overly flowery and graphic details. I really like what you did with this. Very original and it just seems so incredibly real. I can just feel all that emotion. I love this!
| Posted on 2004-09-27 00:00:00 | by Scribbles1338 | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked most of this a lot. i think you lost the flow on the line"The depth of the inferno". perhaps try "The deepest depths/of the inferno"

Also, I wasn't keen on "Enter the gates of
my love". It didn't seem to fit. How about replace it with the lines "Put your swimmer/In my river/As you dip in/Watch me shiver"
| Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]


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