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    dots Submission Name: Caution: Beware of Falling Rocks!dots

    Author: Scribbles1338
    ASL Info:    18/Female/St. Louis
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 169/167/37
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1172
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 632

       I had no specific story behind this poem, but it is not suicide, although everyone seems to think that. I think it's more about making a difficult decision than anything else...no particular decision though...

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    dotsCaution: Beware of Falling Rocks!dots

    Upon the shoreline
    Near a cliff
    She gazes out to sea
    And with her silent solitude
    She’s longing to be free

    As darkness falls
    The tide retreats
    She cries a wistful tear
    And gazing at the sea below
    She faces her worst fear

    The cliff stands tall
    Its silhouette
    Protrudes into the night
    Even with peril in her eyes
    She will keep up the fight

    A yellow sign
    Lit by the moon
    Points out the danger here
    And while she gazes out to sea
    She feels the end is near

    Submitted on 2004-09-27 22:36:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Maybe others cannot see that there are decisions in life that are extreamely difficult without causing suicidal thoughts! I liked your poem alot and have been to the side of the ocean/lake and contemplated hard decisions and therefore relate. Great poem.
    | Posted on 2004-09-28 00:00:00 | by aldergrovegal | [ Reply to This ]
      well, it sounds like it would be a suicide poem. especially with that last line. maybe you could change it to something "weaker" that doesn't make people immediately think about suicide.
    anyway I like the poem, you've described the scenery very well and also set an atmosphere and tone. but I have to agree with boarderlinetears. the title doesn't fit. it has some kind of happy connotation that doesn't match with your sad tone here. although I know that on real street signs something like that stands. but people expect something more light-hearted after reading this title.
    | Posted on 2004-09-28 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I was thinking the same thoughts as borderllinertears about the title, and I wsa not thinking suicide at all, except for maybe the last line,, I don't know if the end is near is a good way to end thhe poem......
    Ilike the imagery and this is a poem that ppl can connect to... the only things I would work o is the last lines of each stanza, I don't knw if they are in keeping with the message you aare trying to get across.....
    | Posted on 2004-09-27 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't think it was about sucide at all. I believe it's about someone who is at a cross roads of her life and goes to the ocean to make important decisions about her life. I actually go to the ocean when I find myself at cross roads and it does wonders. You painted a very thought provoking picture. Adding it to my favs.
    | Posted on 2004-09-27 00:00:00 | by Pogirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree that the title doesn't match the content you intend (going by your description. This is a fine example of fluid writing that also has great imagery and flows through a logicals sequence...it shows good theme development and use of language...smooth smooth ride. Top effort in my book Excellent!
    | Posted on 2004-09-27 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      This title doesn't match the poem. The poem itself brings a haunted, horror movie feel to me and the title seems to be more on the funny side.? Just wondering why you picked that title. This poem is good and would be great along with a scary movie. The only thing I suggest to work on is the title.
    | Posted on 2004-09-27 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]

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