This is good, but one part disturbed me, and it was the name.. Forever ( it fits to this song ok.. but... ) it reminded me instantly of Edguy's Forever song, and as i readed this trough i almost hummed the edguys song ( oh it fitted almost perfectly ) but i still suggest that you change the name.
hey beautiful rythm, great word choice. this was a good piece. it flowed along really well. and the emotions were registered perfectly. the expressive way in which you got your thoughts across was commendable!
there isn't much to correct actually! its very good on its own, and the chorus is very powerful, but in the last verse, secodn stanza, the last line, i dont find it correct, i dunno it nags me. what i think is it should be you brought with yourself a spark, but that may change the rythm, and anyways its a song so i think it may work. and good job!
Submission Name: Until forever
