Description: What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?
my sweet alyson.. -------------------------------------------
each lapse lately
makes me angrier than the last
my tears flow for you sweet girl
and with venom I spit answers to the questions my mind poses
your soul was deep
and your eternity is unjustified
I can't stand it
Your thoughts and words akin to mine
and the uncertainty of depression clouds my judgement-I wont let it
your passions I will meet
every breathing beautiful experience encountered I share with you
as your pretty form lies in slumber
the letters curled and the laughter whirled
the empathy
the love
my friend
how can I dismiss you?
oh how much I miss you
your clever memory
I will avenge
shrouded in light
you call me at night
come to me and we will talk again of our dreams
and when I realise mine
it will strengthen us
too soon gone
your beauty lives onx
92 veiws and 3 comments?jeez come on people...anyways i thought this peice seemed very personal, and probably was not written to have a "reader" in mind. Am I right maybe? I dunno..ummm the only thing I can pick up out of it is that your alyson has changed...saying her soul "was" deep.
it started off strong, but you kinda lost me towards the end. didnt really care for the last two lines. they seem to simplistic to really compliment the integrety of the piece.
I agree the last two lines were like putting pill bugs on ice cream instead of sprinkles. This piece turned me on a little. What is it with guys observing intimate female relationships? Perhaps because we too long for the intamacy in our relationships, but it's not socially excepted. I mean I hugged my best friend good bye when he moved to the uk, but that's it. I think this is an awsome piece. I don't think that and should be used as much to start lines though. Thanks. peace -little fat fish-
Submission Name: my sweet alyson..
