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    dots Submission Name: Death In Winterdots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1035
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 415


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeath In Winterdots

    A winter death seems natural.
    It's a time when
    everything else dies, and so did you.
    There was no cheerful color
    of flowers or leaves
    to bless the earth with color
    to give false cheer
    to the gloomy day you left me.
    There was no sun
    to brighten the sky,
    no birds to sing,
    nothing but gloom
    as the world mourns.

    Submitted on 2004-03-01 11:57:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Honestly, I didn't notice any disruption to the flow... Do these people never read
    e e cummings? Punctuation, capitals, or lack thereof, are mere window dressing. This is very well written, and the message is clear. I've never lost anyone in winter. It's always been spring or summer, when everything is so full of life that a death seems utterly wrong. Well crafted. <><
    | Posted on 2004-03-23 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
    This is super. I especially like the way the first 3 lines draw the reader in - they're punchy and concise, or harsh if you like.
    And that's the season we're talking about.
    vg sat
    | Posted on 2004-03-04 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      change the second 'color' to hues and I think it will be great. I really like this poem even though it's about something sad.
    | Posted on 2004-03-01 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      the consistent use of capitals in this piece breaks up the rhythm and distracts flow,,,,,,its like words spat out from a man with down syndrome....i feel a full stop is needed after line 1. lines 2 and 3 either need to be one line or the break needs to come after dies//the repition of the word colour[color] is a distraction i shall not re write it for you the last time i did you justt said 'thanks..!!??' and it is your piece to play with, i would play with it,,,,,,you seem to have an affinity/leaning towards nature.......
    | Posted on 2004-03-01 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]

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