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i fell


Author: mimi
ASL Info:    30/f/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597 /390 /111
Words: 61
Class/Type: Poetry /Romance
Total Views: 832
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 381



Description:




i fell



Looking into your eyes,
I see my soul.
I see me fall
In love again.
can’t refrain
can’t regain
thoughts without you in it.

You have the melody,
the rhythm,
that moves my soul to dance.
That night, I took a chance
And let go of control
Let myself fall
In your arms.




Submitted on 2004-09-28 23:41:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Great poem, but some things I would change:

Looking into your eyes,
I see my soul.
Its falling slowly,
in love again.
(I) can’t refrain
can’t regain
(These)thoughts without you in it.

The end of this stanza is kinda iffy, I really cant tell if its your soul they are suppose to be in or if its in love with you.

You have the melody, the rhythm,
that moves my soul
that makes me want to dance.
That night, I took a chance
And let go.
I let myself fall,
In to your arms.

(Just as I have dreamt,
long ago.)

That line in the parenthesis, that could be a good ending, maybe not...But other then that it was great poem, just a few gliches. Really got the point across.
| Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by Wicked_Sins | [ Reply to This ]


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