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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Digitally Composed [revised.Ver.2]dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Damien Vladimir
    ASL Info:    28/m/hollywood/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 122/89/35
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1162
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1240



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDigitally Composed [revised.Ver.2]dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The brutality of this reality is agonizing
    while patronizing, a mentality of animosity,
    such a catastrophy,evolutionizing,
    Revolutionizing!
    A fascination in creative application of monstrosities.
    An invention of perverted animation,
    is defamation,as my soul begins manifestations.
    intervention has contended,
    what old wishes i had never faced,
    now disappear without a trace

    Artificially composed,
    consuming vibes of eerie tones,
    given into the unknown,
    from out the normal, formal world
    and ever soon to be transformed,
    into the chemical, mechanic soul,so mystical
    my old and natural, organic bone
    once was of torture,a skeletore gore
    is no more, as even so it was a bore
    unable to reform and ever grow
    for i am not as to expose, my given flesh forever more.

    I'm technological,
    of digital components and ilogical,
    advance in science, yet so practical.
    Electro-magnetize a life worth function,
    the tactic points of human action,
    the magic potion,
    as the notion of production,
    wakes and sparks the start of motion,




    Submitted on 2004-09-29 04:07:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think we are all being transformed...well not me I refuse to give in but parts of me are already changing----we are all becoming something more technological--or friendly too it and some will be left behind---I really don't know exactly what the hell you are talking about but that is ok and I like it....I just think maybe you may have gotton carried away with the rhyme scheme, I mean I have written poems similar before--the psycho mind being transformed with chemicals and we will never be the same when we get out and the crazy rhyme scheme to add a sense of .....well.........PSYCHO or abnormality--it's just a chemicam imbalance--lol-good solid write but the rhyme was a bit overboard
    Lt
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      It certainly was better than the first though common spelling and grammar errors seemed to make themselves known in subtle ways. I have to tell you that this was very descriptive, I like things with alot of descriptions. Its better for the whole purpose, but make sure not to sacrifice purpose for a picture. Enclosed in this comment is a revisation of your work, I'll have everything corrected.

    The brutality of this reality is agonizing,
    while patronizing, a mentality of animosity,
    such a catastrophy, evolutionizing,
    Revolutionizing!
    A fascination in creative application of monstrosities.
    An invention of perverted animation,
    is defamation, as my soul begins manifestations.
    intervention has contended,
    what old wishes i had never faced,
    now disappear without a trace

    Artificially composed,
    consuming vibes of eerie tones,
    given into the unknown,
    from out the normal, formal world
    and ever soon to be transformed,
    into the chemical, mechanic soul,so mystical
    my old and natural, organic bone
    once was of torture, a skeletore gore
    is no more, as even so it was a bore
    unable to reform and ever grow
    for i am not as to expose, my given flesh forever more.

    I'm technological,
    of digital components and illogical,
    advanced in science, yet so practical.
    Electro-magnetize a life worth function,
    the tactic points of human action,
    the magic potion,
    as the notion of production,
    wakes and sparks the start of motion.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by Kenji Light | [ Reply to This ]
      Have you ever heard people who cannot speak without stringing together two expletives per sentence? Well, this is more or less the poetic equivalent. It doesn't make for good reading, even if you have a meaning interwoven, it doesn't maintain interest. My advice would be to ease off a bit and try the subtle touch. No doubt about your abilities though, just too much of a good thing.
    | Posted on 2004-10-05 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't believe noone has commented on this yet...but you should definitely take that as a compliment...it may be way over the heads of most...and I can't admit to being able to grasp it completely. My first read through brought to mind the way I used to melt into, become electronica when I first entered the club scene years ago, the digital music transformed me, the animated lumonics entranced me, and as I read it the second and third times I held onto this vision, although I could also see the character's skeleton turning into almost a computer code of magnificent screaming metamorphosis...amazing

    The assonance and rhyme used very creatively throughout. This was well thought out, and you have done what most rarely do in here...REVISED...bravo! Wish I had the first to compare. This was fantastic! Great job!
    | Posted on 2004-09-29 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]


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