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    dots Submission Name: Requiem of the Fallendots

    Author: Tears of Azrael
    ASL Info:    14/F/Lost
    Elite Ratio:    5.47 - 107/102/25
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Rant/Depressed
    Total Views: 854
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 548

       This poem is about death, yes, because I wrote it shortly after my best friend committed suicide this past summer...

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    dotsRequiem of the Fallendots

    Dreams of a god in a desert snare
    Suffocated in a gasping nightmare
    Sweating, asphyxiating, crying
    Just a subtle need of dying
    It's the vision of the appallen
    It's the requiem of the fallen
    The hopeless petition of empty skies
    Seeing tragedy through emotionless eyes
    To fear life and cherish death
    The foreverness depended on an eternal breath
    It's the bleeding rose with the black pollen
    It's the requiem of the fallen

    Submitted on 2004-09-29 14:22:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. A few of the rhymes seemed a little forced, but they worked well enough. You vividly depict the lust for death, and its a very touching way to remember a friend. Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by LonelyorLost | [ Reply to This ]
      As one who has lost a few friends and a sister to suicide, let me tell you . . . you have my deepest sympathies.

    Your honor your friend's memory with this poem.
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      omg im sorry about your friend..:(. There is so much emotion, yet is enwrapped in darkness. I always love how much imagery you put into your pieces, it is very impressive indeed. Some additional punctuation at places could improve the piece even more. Good write

    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by xeternalshadowx | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! I love this one more than the last! Ryme flow meaning! I love love love! Wouldn't change a thing!
    P.S. tahnks for reading Appocolyes it was really one of my worst but i am glad that you thought it was at least semi good!
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Good usage of rhyme and excellent use of imagery. You didn't "spoon feed" any emotion which was good. I definitely picked up on the mood of the poem quickly. The mood and imagery held fast and overall the poem was easy to read. Very fluid. I do this with most poems I read, but I have a thing with commas. I think it would help people read a little easer if they had an idea of where to pause, instead of trying to figure it out. I would suggest reading the piece to yourself, and add commas or whatever punctuation you want to use whenever you pause. You don't have to if you don't want to. I think it would give it a little more poetic edge.
    | Posted on 2004-09-29 00:00:00 | by Ravenwood | [ Reply to This ]
      good use of metaphors,the bleeding rose with black pollen line created a very vivid image. Also when you said: to fear life and cherish death i could relate. As ravenwood said, you might want to add punctuation. I liked the way you left the reader to imagine but used imagery just enough. keep it up
    | Posted on 2004-09-29 00:00:00 | by Chava | [ Reply to This ]

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