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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Habitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _proper_noun_
    ASL Info:    20/m/OK
    Elite Ratio:    5.36 - 106/88/24
    Words: 36
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1485
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 307



    Description:
       Suicidal friends again. I've found that I have a lot of emotion on this topic, and I could probably pull piece after piece out of this topic.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Habitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Flower-buds un-bloomed,
    Crying themselves to sleep.
    Never-ending pain is all they choose to see.
    Whether this choice,
    By habit be created,
    Or conscious to the eyes thus belated,
    Untrue,
    Deceiving,
    Malconformed confessions of distorted reality.




    Submitted on 2004-09-30 00:42:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      okay it's a little hard to follow but i think i get it now... never mind false alarm umm josh explain it to me i'm too stupid for your poems you seem to smart to be my friend sometimes i swear it but hey just because i don't understand doesn't mean i don't like it cuase i do but i bet any money i'd like it more if i understood it so please PM me and explain it...
    * feels lost and stupid * sorry i wasted time on your comment list
    love nat
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by Nataliah_Coffin | [ Reply to This ]
      i didn't understand it at all. All i know is it is about suicide. i'm sorry. umm...i really fell stupid right now lol

    (computer says i need more words)
    (stupid damn popups)
    | Posted on 2004-10-01 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      Feeling more than a little disloyal to my pal Amy, I'm disagreeing with everything that she said.

    Suicide has little do with teens outside of statistics. I don't see why that point was raised, as there's nothing in this piece that speaks of teens. For all I know, you could hang out in the psych wing of an old folks' home. Of course the allusion to flower buds and "un-blooming" could be a hint to youth, but in this murky, metaphysical world of poetic license, nothing should ever be taken for granted.

    Anyway, I'm going to just givemy own opinion and not get involved in other debates.

    The very idea of something un-blooming, retracting into itself, is a fitting depiction of depression and its decline. The mind folds into itself, the layers of thought overshadowing the central core that is reason and rationality. Some days, everything is so bright, and then like daisies at night, the petals retract and close off all illumination. Day's eyes, is what the name means. Same with depression and suicide. The mantle of darkness, depression, can shroud what hope the light brought, so that one happy day can be completely catapulted into a manic, suicidal bleakness. So, un-blooming works for me, along with flower buds. And this is why I love poetry. Some could see those as age, and I see them as something completely different, and it rarely matters what the writer saw if it elicited some form of recognition in the reader.


    I don't agree with the idea of choosing to see never-ending pain. You simply have no other viewpoint. All the good in the world can be erased or diminished in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles. The truest, most valiant hope, in whatever form it may take, can be obliterated by one snide, cruel thought of the psyche that is so expert in its manipulation that it leaves no room for argument.
    "At least I have him, HE loves me."
    "Yeah... but for how much longer?"
    And that one little voice will open a thousand more, each one clamouring to be heard, drowning out the feeble echo of hope.
    So sad. So [censored] true.

    And so to the punch line...
    "Malconformed confessions of distorted reality."

    This can be taken so many ways. the reality is distorted, in most cases, sure (Some people really do just have shi.t lives though). But "malconformed"? I don't know. There's the current "woe is me" trend to be as utterly depressed and suicidal as possible, and that would be conforming to a standard set by peers, malconforming by actually killing yourself when all you're meant to do is just act like a pet-raincloud (my term for the little puddles of doom and gloom). So I'm lost on that point.. explain to me?
    Overall, I liked this. Not sure about the hyphen in "flower-buds", but other than that I can't criticise the others. This is unusual, whilst remaining a common subject, but one that has been given a different spin to create a new perspective in this sea of razors and "i'm gonna make you pay, Mommy!" poems. So well done. And welcome to Eliteskills!
    | Posted on 2004-10-01 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I'm not a teen, but I've been clinically depressed for more of my life than I've not. However, I get annoyed with the cutting and suicide poems here, so that should say something. They cross the bounds of good taste. My depression usually arises from something "real" like my friend's suicide or the rampant illness in my family. It's not just feeling sorry for myself or that some guy broke up with me after our two-date relationship.

    Your hyphen usage is odd. Why do you hyphenate "flower-duds"? It's also kind of an oxymoron: a flower has to be at least a little bloomed to have a bud.

    I'm not sure I like "malconformed" either. I'm a proud nonconformist, and the little preppy kids annoy me more than the ones with guns in their mouths.
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      i think thats a great description of depressed people. i was one of them once and now when i see them i wish i could tell them how pointless depression is. this poem is creat for that. its short but its writen in a mature way. i like the big words and different length lines, its a strong style i would expect from someone older than you are. this is a great poem about a topic i feel strongly about. good work. hope to see more good stuff from you
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
      For some reason, i feel that last part came out wrong...I wasn't stereotyping. What I meant to say was that you have the look of an alternative individual, the anti-cookie cutter. I was the same way in H.S. Back then it was the grunge era. I wore a flannel to prom...lol...anyway, I didn't mean to say "this look"...i meant to say "this expression" There is a diff between the two...sorry
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      I hope you make friends with the angsters around here. Maybe you can uplift them. I amble through these elite alleys late at night only because that is the only time my day allows for recreation, and I always end up here among the cutters and self loathing suicidals, or cries for attention, or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I do remember being a teen. However, I never remember feeling what I see in here every day. I don't remember borderline trenchcoat mafias. I don't remember teenage masochism. I don't remember Marylin Manson. I am afraid of what is happening in our society. I am afraid that our role models are not the wrong role models. I am afraid that parents don't pay enough attention to their children anymore...and it's funny how I always [censored]ed about how sheltered i was. I see your profile pic...love it...especially when I compare it to your attitude. You are a perfect role model for teens who think that this look must be accompanied by a self loathing. I applaud you for being a positive leader. I know this may sound corny to you, but it is a profound examination to me
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
       lots of big words. i didn't know what half of them meant! i feel stupid now...oh well! this was a great poem and i understood most of it. maybe you could read some of my poems?
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by darkness child | [ Reply to This ]


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