Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the backdrop beat of my pastdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hidden lady
    ASL Info:    28/female/nebraska
    Elite Ratio:    4.47 - 116/118/30
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 886
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1573



    Description:
       the only way this poem will make sence is if you read every other paragraph with a fast paste beat. the first is slow. oh and I know I have typos and spelling errors but it is 2:16 in the morning and I am tired so bare with me ok?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe backdrop beat of my pastdots
    -------------------------------------------


    like angry popcorn,
    poping back into being,
    my past reserfeses
    its self.

    in disbelief I try to kick
    it in the head, if only to make
    sure it`s real

    this doubt, this pain.
    three years have past
    like a whirl of wind
    nocking everything into
    a nice black hole.

    I thought it was gone,
    dead, I thought I stabbed
    it in the face!
    I guess I was wrong
    I guess I just tucked it
    back, just laid it to sleep.
    And now it's back.

    like eminem claiming slim shady
    awake and causing havoc
    in my soul.
    falling out of my words and
    seeping through my silence.
    if you look closely you`ll
    hear it, see it, feel it dripping
    from every poor like guizers
    and fountians flooding
    every one.

    as they look at me in
    wide eyed shock and say
    "are you alright?"
    my reply....
    "no!"

    silence; it brakes,
    it brakes with the
    sound of my foot
    steps as I leave
    the conversation and retreat
    into my head, where
    I comfort my newly awaken
    pain and make it my
    own again.

    I become a clown.
    an odd smile begins to
    creep onto my face
    it feels comfortable and safe.
    now hiding in the trees and
    muck behind my empty
    brown eyes I am sure
    I am free and no one will save me.




    Submitted on 2004-09-30 02:23:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think the poem demonstrates how our past comes back and haunts. How we do push these things down and in moments of depression they come back. That gets better as you get older?
    " I comfort my newly awaken pain and make it my own again."
    Yes gotta agree will clean up nicely! :)
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by Jess | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the imagery used to portray the feeling... my fav line is:
    'where
    I comfort my newly awaken
    pain and make it my
    own again'. Once you fix all the typos and grammatical errors it's going to clean up very nicely. Good writing.
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      Good job I like the pooem it's cute my fav part if the begining like angry popcorn,
    poping back into being,
    my past reserfeses
    its self! keep it up peace./..
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    26196

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Yes written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    You read free written by poetotoe
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Fasade written by jackz
    Records I written by Raphael
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry