Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: Marbles
ASL Info:    24/M/IN
Elite Ratio:    2.34 - 46 /70 /19
Words: 74
Class/Type: Misc /Depressed
Total Views: 933
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 493


Just to vent some of my anger and feelings because of depression


Destruction is in my mind.
Burning like an uncontrollable fire
Consuming everything in its path
It destroys indiscriminately
Making my life a living hell
Won't someone save me from this?
Is there anyone who can save me from this?
From this devastation, nothing in my mind can ever be organized
Is it’s a demon that’s haunting me or just a virus I can't see?
Won't someone hear me and my plea for sanity?

Submitted on 2004-09-30 07:55:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I have one of those on a daily basis I was waiting for someone to understand and express it I don't feel like the only one who feels like their not all there at times and that they have to rack their brains just to remember something the did last week.
| Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by lost and alone | [ Reply to This ]
  That was a nice poem and I agree that you when edited, it is awsome. It's already awesome, and the opening lines really grab. Good.
| Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by Jack J. Thomas | [ Reply to This ]
  I would have to say that I agree the repetition takes away from the power of your words. There are also a couple of small typos that could be edited. But you do have the ability to write something very powerful here. keep up the writing.
| Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by littledifferent | [ Reply to This ]
  You repeat the same or similar words too often, which diminishes the power of your words. Perhaps you can use other like terms to convey the same idea (i use "consuming" instead of "destroying" in line three.)

You have a good poem that can only get better.
| Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?