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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rhythm and Rhymedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DevilDinosaur
    ASL Info:    28/M/MR American
    Elite Ratio:    6.53 - 293/197/46
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1252
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 506



    Description:
       Just some pretty sounding nonsense inspired by nothing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRhythm and Rhymedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A single written thought rests in a little brittle box
    The thought? A word. Which if one heard,
    Would make her die of shock

    So she hid it in a dreamland desert
    ‘Neath a sickly sickle moon
    Under amethyst skies, so strange to one’s eyes,
    Blanketing bright golden dunes

    And after a time its location was lost
    In that sea of shifting sand
    Waiting, it seems, to be freed from our dreams
    By an errant or spiteful hand




    Submitted on 2004-03-01 18:57:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I am more then impressed by your use of assonance and off-rhyme here. Very difficult to do well and it's a skill I fruitlessly assail by pounding my skull angrily against it.

    Question though, is this a rail against my beloved fixed-forms!?! Well, no I guess not that so much as hiding behind the mechanics and not employing them in your service.

    It got me thinking and that's quite an accomplishment on a Monday!

    Jason The [censored]
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by Jason The Basta | [ Reply to This ]
      i wonder who the she is and i get the feel of a Pandora's box kinda story, this was a well written piece...i feel the rhythm was a bit thrown off in the second verse because of a few extra words...but that is my only crit...i thought it should go something like this...

    So t'was hidden in a dreamland desert
    ‘Neath a sickly sickle moon
    Under amethyst skies, so strange to one’s eyes,
    Blanketing bright golden dunes

    whatcha think about that?...

    anyway your discriptivness and vivid mind made this beautiful!

    thanks
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by orpheus | [ Reply to This ]
      I want! I need! that was really different. your writing about a word. but you never tell us what it means. what is it about? I bet _you_ don't even know. I love surprises. get back to me if when you figure this out.!
    | Posted on 2005-04-10 00:00:00 | by livinginacoma | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this again and was taken once more by the whole Pandora's box imagery. Then I saw that I already said that in another comment I made 3 months ago. The poem affected me in the same manner which says a lot for the piece...

    You may say the poem is about nonsense and pretty words but I don't think so. I found no nonsense. I thought it was very poetic. A secret box hidden in the golden sands of dreams. Very unlikely it will ever be found but the fear that it will be hangs in the air...
    | Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it because it's confusing, has great imagery, and wow...confusing imagery. Bad, but in this case good. Very skillfull choice of words.
    | Posted on 2004-04-04 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]
      Good one,really good. only one little point you might look at..in the line about the amethyst skies .."which seem strange to one’s eyes,"...that last bit seems a little contrived..maybe just juxtapostion the words..or leave one or two out? Just a thought..I seem to trip there...but then i trip a lot ..thanks for sharing, Silver
    | Posted on 2004-03-02 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


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