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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fever Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bentnotbroken
    ASL Info:    25+/m/middle of nowhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.6 - 351/260/38
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1172
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 417



    Description:
       What can I say? I had bad dreams last night. . . any comments/critiques appreciated. not sure what catagory this goes in, so any help w/ that would be appreciated too.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFever Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why does the moon taunt me so?
    It sends me dreams of you,
    twisted and perverted
    so the peaceful thoughts of you
    become demented dreams of pain and loss.
    Your laughing face becomes distorted
    by scorn and hate;
    your exquisite lips
    twist into a sneer of contempt.
    I open my eyes--
    half dreaming, half awake
    almost believing the lies before me.




    Submitted on 2004-09-30 15:40:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      I LOVE THE WAY YOUR POETRY ADMITS FEAR IS USUALLY ALL IN YOUR HEAD AND CREATED BY ONESELF. DREAMING OF A BAD RELATIONSHIP CAN DEFINITELY BE A NIGHTMARE. IT SEEMS THE BAD MEMORY ARE THE HARDEST TO FORGET SOMETIMES. GET WRITE

    llcollins
    | Posted on 2008-09-15 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting write
    A lot of people believe darkness creates negativity
    I dont believe that but a lot of people do
    If you look at the moon as an orb that brings light when darkness falls
    That might increase your positive energy flowing
    Thou sad this write was well put together
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good poem! I really like this! Nightmares are rough! They are so real and even when you wake up, you're not quite sure if it really happened. It takes a minute or so to snap to it! Oddly enough I had a dream that I was sinking in quicksand and it was soooo real I could feel myself suffocating and was all out of breath when I woke. I wrote a recent poem about it. It scared the sh*t outta me. Anyway, this is great! I like how you describe the moon as taunting you. Very good piece! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      i would be venting about this dream, too...geez...sounds like something out of a scary movie...i think that this is in its own category

    dylanpoe's girl
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by dylanpoe | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent.
    That one word really sums up my entire opinion, but since i have to say more i will. The title of this really pulled me in or else i probably would have selected a more recent work. This write is perfectly worded, creative, and original...the only suggestion i have for you is that i would add a line that has something to do with or the word fever in it...keep up the great work
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed reading this partially because of how well written it was and partially because i can relate to it...there have been times when i woke up and almost believed whatever i was dreaming...you did a great job with the idea and the wording, excellent imagry...sorry i don't have any helpful comments...are you looking for suggestions for a title or do you like it being untitled?
    | Posted on 2004-10-15 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
      OH me likes me likes. Especially this line:

    "half dreaming, half awake"

    It really caught my eye for some reason. I dont have much time to comment but I wanted to let you know that I really like this piece, and I'm sorry you're going through this.....EXCELLENT emotion is portrayed in this:O)
    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the words you used in this. "exquisite lips" is really good. I have a hard time coming up with good words like that, my writting seems to have a 5th graders vocabulary
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by Cassius | [ Reply to This ]
      that would be awful to have such dreams. when i do sleep i have terrible dreams, of loved ones gone, just dissappeared like telling the future one by one i'm finding myself more alone. someone once told me that dreams are only your worst fears and your hopes, not the future. great job on this.
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]


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