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lonely soul

Author: brokenmirror
ASL Info:    150/f/duiuwy89
Elite Ratio:    3.11 - 46 /71 /29
Words: 81
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 953
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 494


eh...another so so one...whatever help, comments, anything! its def scattered and out of place...i actually took two poems i wrote and put them together cuz i didnt like some of the other lines..

lonely soul

sleepless nights and restless days
is that how you want it?
drunken words mixed with rage
is that how it ends?

your brown eyes tell the story of a lonely soul
oh, how beautifully you hide it all
but ive seen through that shield of yours
and now its your time to fall

please tell me why you are so sad
i thought you knew the ending
the girl leaves, the guys alone
there is noone left pretending

Submitted on 2004-09-30 18:51:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I can kind of see where you're going with this. However, maybe you should use more visual aid, like: instead of 'brown eyes' maybe you could add something like 'deep brown eyes'. And what exactly do you mean by 'now it's your time to fall'? Other than that, you did a pretty good job.
| Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by Victoria | [ Reply to This ]

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