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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Sickness and a Drugdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 655
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 350



    Description:
       This isn't new, but I thought I'd post SOMETHING. I might delete it because I don't like it very much.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Sickness and a Drugdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your love is a disease,
    both mental and physical.
    It's chronic and there's no cure:
    it's a brood of leeches
    sucking me dry,
    and it's like heroin
    slowly killing my body and brain,
    but it feels so good
    that if I end up mindless or dead
    I'll still be happy.




    Submitted on 2004-09-30 20:44:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this describes that sick, addictive love that we can all, i think, relate to at one time or another. the leeches part gave me the creeps... made me think of that scene in "The African Queen,"... but that sick love is like that sometimes. someone that just sucks you dry and is so needy. this is very powerful and leaves one feeling drained. i'm not too sure about the last line, though, about being happy. perhaps another word would do better, like... hmmmm... gotta think on that a bit.
    | Posted on 2004-10-03 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      after the first 3 lines I though you would go on and on with the image of the disease. but it's good that you didn't. I think it would have got boring. anyway your comparisons fit. the heroin is not so original like you use to be but it's good. who says that you can't use that just because a few others already used it? you pack it nicely into the poem and wrap it into other images. the poem is not your best. but it's a good piece that's not worth to be deleted. keep it.
    | Posted on 2004-10-02 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoy the ending. You'll be happy if you end up dead or mindless from love. Interesting and intriguing. The leeches part was good too. A blood sucking love. Good job. :)
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-10-02 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the way you express this. only nit is to delete unnecessary words. again, feel free to use it or lose it. :-)

    Your love is a disease
    mental and physical – DELETE ‘BOTH’
    chronic WITH no cure – DELETE ‘IT’S’, CHANGE ‘AND THERE’S’ TO ‘WITH’
    a brood of leeches –DELETE ‘IT’S’
    Sucking me dry. – ADD PERIOD
    like heroin – DELETE ‘AND IT’S’
    Slowly killing body and brain – DELETE ‘MY’
    But it feels so good
    if I end up – DELETE ‘THAT’
    Mindless or dead
    I'll be happy
    | Posted on 2004-10-01 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      If I didn't know any better I would think that this poem is an biographical reflection of my love life. I love the analogy. Love should come with a Surgeon General's Warning!
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by J-Renee | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is wonderful, but the transfer from the sickness to the drug was a little odd. I think that if you repeated "Your love" and then had "is like heroin," it would be a little more smooth. Maybe even a little more rhythmic.
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by _proper_noun_ | [ Reply to This ]
      love sucks sometimes..written like a pro..simple and to the point. dont we all wish love could be that way . i like the thing about the leeches. you give until there is nothing left
    | Posted on 2004-09-30 00:00:00 | by 3TOMANY | [ Reply to This ]


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