[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: 4:30 a.m.dots

    Author: max
    ASL Info:    27 m tennessee
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 152/191/55
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1197
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 727


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots4:30 a.m.dots

    so dark, so silent,
    in a short while dawn will break
    I've only just awoke,
    the american dream still fresh on my mind.

    your never ending love, I've been seeking to find
    since the day I was born,
    and this I will find, when the time has come.

    and did you know, that under spectacular stars
    my heart seeks you.

    on my mind you are never far away,
    for your essence never goes away from my heart
    and your presence, your notion, is never far
    from the subtle yearnings of my heart.

    this night I love you.

    and from now until forever comes,
    I'll love you with unending love.

    Submitted on 2004-10-03 17:12:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The flow is choppy, but the message is strong. Your style in this piece is unique. You seem to know that you are going to end up with the person this piece refers to, and you seem patient enough to wait for that day to come. Your poem is very sweet. I hope whomever the poem is for one day returns your feelings.
    | Posted on 2004-10-03 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, max, that sounds much better. I like the way you use repetition in this piece (the perfect way repetition should be used in a piece, I think), you use it well so that it's not overused and actually adds some depth to the poem, I think. The message is still really strong. I think this is an overall good improvement, and I feel honored that you asked my opinion on your newer version. I say you did well!
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed reading this as I felt the strong.. eh.. connection maybe. I have had this same feeling seemingly all through out my life. I think you did a great job of describing and explaining this feeling, since I know it personally. I especially fell in love with the second stanza. It speaks perfectly. You did good. Keep this up..
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by slickviper097 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]