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    dots Submission Name: driving from a memorydots

    Author: Scribbles1338
    ASL Info:    18/Female/St. Louis
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 169/167/37
    Words: 308
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1832

       ...No, this isn't about me directly, but I did cry when I wrote this...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdriving from a memorydots

    Driving down this empty road
    Youíve driven here with me
    And I canít help but recollect
    All those times when we were free
    The headlights are growing dimmer
    As I come back to this road
    Watching the horizon
    Disappear into the dark
    I pull off on the shoulder
    And I set the car in park
    I really should not be driving
    Out at night with such a storm
    I just want you to be here
    Wishing you would keep me warm
    Just like you used to do
    But now youíve gone away from me
    Iíve forgotten where Iím headed
    Canít remember why Iím here
    As I sit here in the darkness
    Simply wishing you were near
    I canít make myself continue
    Driving from a memory
    I check the rearview mirror
    And canít see a single light
    The icy roadís now empty
    And my futureís not too bright
    I miss you more then ever
    Out here where we used to be
    Weíd drive on this road together
    Back when you were here with me
    I canít go on without you
    Now where am I to go
    As I sit here in my parked car
    All alone watching the snow
    Just like we used to do
    Before you went so far away
    I just want you to come back
    And kiss me like you used to do
    Promise not to say goodbye to me
    Because Iím lost without you
    And you always hated it when I cried
    Tell me that you love me
    Say those words just one more time
    Iíll be loving you forever
    I need to hear that youíre alright
    But I just cannot stop crying
    And I wonít give up the fight
    The tears just keep on coming
    And I know I cannot drive
    As I sit out here so lonely
    Wishing you were still alive

    Submitted on 2004-10-03 22:32:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Horribly and beautifully sad. The reader can visualize himself right there with you, whether he can relate or not. I agree with eener about stanzas making it a little bit easier to follow, although I like the idea of the thoughts rambling out one right after the other. That's how I think sometimes. And driving is one of my passions, so I can completely relate to the memories and the nostalgia. Bittersweet. You say it's not about you directly-you did a wonderful job of making it sound like it is. You can really put yourself in someone else's shoes.
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I love poems that contain the most important piece of information in the very last line; it makes the piece so clear and vivid.

    With this piece, I would break it up into stanzas, so that it would be much easier for the reader to follow. Your rhymes seem to be a bit messy, but creating stanzas and a little revision would clear that up. The flow would be excellant if the rhymes were easier to follow. Very nice piece...very sad.
    | Posted on 2004-10-03 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sad. It's a very powerful write. Memories of a loved one, driving away from those memories. Trying to escape the reality that the person has passed on. I teared up with this one as well! I think you should add periods and commas to help it flow but that's it. It's really a good write, sad but good. :( Good job.
    | Posted on 2004-10-03 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]

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