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driving from a memory

Author: Scribbles1338
ASL Info:    18/Female/St. Louis
Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 169 /167 /37
Words: 308
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1142
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1866


...No, this isn't about me directly, but I did cry when I wrote this...

driving from a memory

Driving down this empty road
You’ve driven here with me
And I can’t help but recollect
All those times when we were free
The headlights are growing dimmer
As I come back to this road
Watching the horizon
Disappear into the dark
I pull off on the shoulder
And I set the car in park
I really should not be driving
Out at night with such a storm
I just want you to be here
Wishing you would keep me warm
Just like you used to do
But now you’ve gone away from me
I’ve forgotten where I’m headed
Can’t remember why I’m here
As I sit here in the darkness
Simply wishing you were near
I can’t make myself continue
Driving from a memory
I check the rearview mirror
And can’t see a single light
The icy road’s now empty
And my future’s not too bright
I miss you more then ever
Out here where we used to be
We’d drive on this road together
Back when you were here with me
I can’t go on without you
Now where am I to go
As I sit here in my parked car
All alone watching the snow
Just like we used to do
Before you went so far away
I just want you to come back
And kiss me like you used to do
Promise not to say goodbye to me
Because I’m lost without you
And you always hated it when I cried
Tell me that you love me
Say those words just one more time
I’ll be loving you forever
I need to hear that you’re alright
But I just cannot stop crying
And I won’t give up the fight
The tears just keep on coming
And I know I cannot drive
As I sit out here so lonely
Wishing you were still alive

Submitted on 2004-10-03 22:32:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Horribly and beautifully sad. The reader can visualize himself right there with you, whether he can relate or not. I agree with eener about stanzas making it a little bit easier to follow, although I like the idea of the thoughts rambling out one right after the other. That's how I think sometimes. And driving is one of my passions, so I can completely relate to the memories and the nostalgia. Bittersweet. You say it's not about you directly-you did a wonderful job of making it sound like it is. You can really put yourself in someone else's shoes.
| Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. I love poems that contain the most important piece of information in the very last line; it makes the piece so clear and vivid.

With this piece, I would break it up into stanzas, so that it would be much easier for the reader to follow. Your rhymes seem to be a bit messy, but creating stanzas and a little revision would clear that up. The flow would be excellant if the rhymes were easier to follow. Very nice piece...very sad.
| Posted on 2004-10-03 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]
  This is so sad. It's a very powerful write. Memories of a loved one, driving away from those memories. Trying to escape the reality that the person has passed on. I teared up with this one as well! I think you should add periods and commas to help it flow but that's it. It's really a good write, sad but good. :( Good job.
| Posted on 2004-10-03 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]

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