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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Danger Will Robinsondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 677
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 553



    Description:
       I really dont know what to say about this piece other then the first two lines were floating around in my head this entire weekend and once I typed them out the rest just poured out. No Rhyme or reason for it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDanger Will Robinsondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Don’t speak my name
    I don’t want you to stain those perfect lips
    Just close your eyes
    Close your eyes

    Right foot follows left
    Turn the knob
    Cross the front porch
    Fade into the sunset

    Don’t speak my name
    Wouldn’t want you to stain those perfect lips
    Just go to sleep
    Go to sleep

    Right foot follows left
    Cigarettes in hand
    Engines running
    The credits roll

    And like Will Robinson
    Im lost in space




    Submitted on 2004-10-04 09:48:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yea, ok I'm being coerced into commenting now, while I've been up all night writing a paper on World War 2. It seems like every time I see the name "Robinson" in this piece I hear "Hitler" somewhere in my head. Um. But that aside, I can't figure it out. Someone's leaving, that much is evident. But whenever the robot says DANGER WILL R. that usually means there's something Will can do to avoid that danger, whereas here its like you're helpless. Mind...can't...focus...agajsha
    | Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my...here i go again...sheesh
    first read 'mixedemotions' page this morning which was unreal and now you.
    i don't think my heart can take it.
    beautiful John...absolutely beautiful...
    the caress of these words are like a blanket, i'm in awe.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      i feel like its just beginning
    its got an awesome flow the repition is very good
    i love that you used teh movie metaphor
    and though the last two lines should be ridicluosly cliché they fit really well
    and i actually like them
    | Posted on 2004-10-05 00:00:00 | by scorpio sphinx | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting piece -to say the least- but it leaves with the feeling that it's not complete. Maybe if it is a little bit longer, maybe it would have felt even better. Nice work though.
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]
      the only thing i got about this was that you're referring to Lost in Space... i'm not even sure this thing makes sense... but it's pretty good...
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is simply intrigueing (and I don't think I spelled that right!) I'm rather fascinated with it, although like the rest of your commenter's, I'm not exactly sure what it's about, though I'm pretty sure I have a decent grasp (run-on sentence!). Very original!
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by Pax Parvani | [ Reply to This ]
      My first thought was that you were commenting to a parent or an authoritive figure in your life telling them that you don't want to hear anything they have to say. Then I read it again and couldn't put my finger on it. Like you said, they were random thoughts.
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by Cayman | [ Reply to This ]
      I just want to say I read this thrice because I found it rather engaging. Of course, I have little idea what this peice is about. I would be glad if you could explain. And the last stanza completely threw me off because "Will Robinson" and "Lost in Space"... I'm not familiar with them.
    Nonetheless, I found this compelling - like a song in a foreign language where I don't know what the words mean but the music is captivating.
    Oh, and I think you mean "knob" in Line 2, Stanza 2.
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very interesting..., very! Was quite calming to read. l like the title, and the ripple effect. l keep thinking about the first two lines, and l dont' know why...Anyways, the heart of your thoughts stand clear.
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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