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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Are you here?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vibrant
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 855/538/131
    Words: 23
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 988
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 190



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAre you here?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Am worried about you
    Where are you
    Have not heard
    nor
    seen you.
    Deep emotions swish
    within,
    wondering where
    you've been.




    Submitted on 2004-10-04 10:57:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think the speaker may be addressing him/her-self. Not enough clues for a conclusion though. The one word lone "nor" is a bit awkward. Try combining and also completing the "have not heard" part. Promising, ike an appetiser.
    | Posted on 2004-10-05 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      O.K. - This poem raises more qustions than it answers. So be it! That was it's intent. It's title is a question, and the poem itself is a question. The only things I coulsd suggest is to say," I'm worried"," if you wish to personify the speaker, and maybe a question mark at the end of, "Where are you". Otherwise, it's a short and provocative poem, and I enjoyed reading it. Good work.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      To me the first line seems rather abnormal. Shouldn't it be 'I am...'? I agree that the poem is direct but at the same time it leaves a lot to be wanted out of this, like a book without it's last chapter.

    Deep emotions swish
    within,
    wondering where
    you've been.

    That just left me like "Yes...and...oh what happens next? Do they come back or what?" Thats what I like in a write, the imagination of the readers that can interpret the same write in so many different ways. The reader can have their own ending. Great write!
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      yes direct and to the point, but if you find out where the second party is, I'd love to see this expanded, twas gripping and actually posed 2 questions, are you here, and who is she looking for, puzzling, nicely done...Bob:)
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by poetryman | [ Reply to This ]
      This could be directed to a feeling within one's self, a loved one, a TV show, anything really...it's quite quirky that way. I really like it. Especially the way the emotions "swish"...that was a cute way to phrase it. Short, to the point, and express what we all feel sometime in our lives when something we love suddenly disappears. Good work...
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]
      it was so short and so to the point that i don't have a lot to say about it.i hope that if you are concerned about someone that is near and dear to you,they will be alright as well as your self.good luck and fare well.
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by sickly | [ Reply to This ]
      Subtle and short. Feeling that you deserve and need a response from a loved one. Minimal words sometimes pose the biggest question.
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by Cayman | [ Reply to This ]
      Is this directed to someone in particular or is it just a generalism? Either way...I'm a fan of poetry that can say much with few words, and this was a good sample of that.
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      *sighs* I dunno...I just give up...grammar corrections definately need to be made, lots of frags also here...okay, i thought that if I read some of your other work...id see some rather good stuff...but...*sighs* Imma go now to another author...sorry..

    ->Dark
    | Posted on 2004-10-19 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]


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