Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lonely Walkerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kera
    ASL Info:    18-f-NH
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 116/129/29
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 924
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 290



    Description:
       I need help to finish this one, i dont exactaly know how to finish this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLonely Walkerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the sweetness of a lonely walker
    in the darkness of the holy night
    lost in the abyss
    ready to take her flight

    creatures of the night follow
    surrounding her as she goes
    creeping up to take a look
    to find out what no one knows




    Submitted on 2004-10-04 20:26:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hmm interseting idea for a poem. the title dove me in. i usually read poems by their title , and this one was great!!

    the first stanza was good, sweet rhyming, and the metaphor of the lonely walker clicked. but i think there's some problem with the last line "ready to take her flight" there should be a 'to' after take, anyways if there os a purposeful intention behind it then its all right.

    the second stanza is quite all right, it builds up on the first one. my advice would be to keep on building. for eg, what is the secret no one knows and why do the creatures of the night want to know it?

    thats how i work at least, but then in the end its too big, so i would suggest you make a character sketch of the lonely walker, her motives, her secrets, her reason for walking alone, and then try to put that in poetic format. what say, huh?

    anyways, the first two stanzas are good already. tell me if you change the ending. ok?

    see you around.

    Zu
    | Posted on 2004-11-08 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      I will definitely say this needs an ending, and I stink at rhymes, so I'm not going to write any, but this is just a rough sketch. . . something like what winged writer robyn suggested.

    then a song from the east
    a whisper of hope
    a feeble shining moonbeam
    the last ray of [hope]

    And then maybe elaborate on what it is. Oh well that stinks pretty bad but it's an idea. Let me know if you finish it.
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      walking is such a release, and such a way to become familiar with yourself, normally compared too relaxing and finding yourself, so thats one way you can take it. But i see your going more a for a darker approach, and i love where your going with it, so with time i think it will come... i live in NH too! woohoo... first one on elite that iv met.
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by Josh | [ Reply to This ]
      have someone join her. we were never meant to walk this world alone.... better yet, have her find something not nescissarily someone. for example writing and music are my "walking partners." prayer comes in handy, but i dont know if you are a believer so i wont suggest it. i hope this helps. good luck!
    | Posted on 2004-10-04 00:00:00 | by winged_writer_robyn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    26755

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    The Promise written by annie0888
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry