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A Heart's Crime

Author: Suven7
ASL Info:    20 female Fla
Elite Ratio:    7.08 - 478 /260 /47
Words: 160
Class/Type: Poetry /Friendship
Total Views: 865
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1038


Suggested essence by Uncle Tom's Cabin; drive by an offline instant message; and living memories to suffucate- and later ignore.

A Heart's Crime

Every quaking pulse
And shattered tempo of her breathe
Comes from the untiring zeal-
So rare a love as to survive her death
High! She goes…
Adorned in a mystic snow, but she mourns
A begotten love has eluded you
High! In your feet, are her scattered bones!

No tears cast over that pillow
For the heart has not a tear more to give
But bleeds itself in silence
That your own might start to live
High! She soars…
Above your feathered sleep
Your heart’s cadence bringing her-
High! Up with Dawn to the Heavenly steep!

Come morn and not a ghost about
But the idle mist out your windowpane
Settling as honey over the waking grass
When really, ‘tis the sustained cry of a heart slain
High! She’s yours…
The heart’s blood becoming the heart’s crime
When love itself merely drops a tear and pass on
High! Love her still… for a long, last time!

Submitted on 2004-10-05 01:58:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  "High! In your feet, are her scattered bones!"

I thought that was a very interesting line... eerie, but really pretty at the same time.

Overall, it was haunting, yet beautifully written.
| Posted on 2007-07-19 00:00:00 | by LadyInRed88 | [ Reply to This ]
  But the idle mist out your windowpane
- But the idle mist (from out) your windowpane

When love itself merely drops a tear and pass on - When love itself drops a tear and (passes) on

Grammatically, those two suggestions were the only things I could find to make it sound right. Do you see what I mean? What you had I stumbled on in terms of grammar, that's all.

Overall, this was a very nice poem. Great choice of words bring the reader into this quite easily. I love this line -

Adorned in a mystic snow, but she mourns

- Something about it is very touching. I also thought your repetition of the word 'High!' every fifth and eighth line in each stanza was a good tie-in, something enduring and reinforced throughout.

So, I did finally comment on one of your pieces. Hope this helped. If not, your poem was stll enjoyed.

| Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm. Very poetic, as if the person he loves is right there but never there. Your imagination to write is highly evolved I imagine you taking the time just for that one right sounding word. Well It sure does pay off. Its as if the man is dreaming about her in his sleep and lives with in his mind loving her for all eternity. Very beautiful piece
| Posted on 2005-02-12 00:00:00 | by Medieval Aztec | [ Reply to This ]
  High! that was a great constant, a nice way to keep pace. the first stanza was beautiful...i like this, and i get the feeling i have met this girl many times before, you have a very insterting way of building chacters...keep writing, i'll keep reading

| Posted on 2004-10-05 00:00:00 | by milo stills | [ Reply to This ]

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