Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Who Can Mend A Broken Heart?!

Author: Yousef
ASL Info:    26/M/Egypt
Elite Ratio:    8 - 468 /203 /22
Words: 412
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1628
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1702


And now I'm asking who can mend a broken heart?!

Who Can Mend A Broken Heart?!

After all I did for you, you said goodbye
After all I did for you, you left without saying why
When I look to any girl your face is what I see
As if your face is like the shadow hanging over me
I keep asking why couldn’t I be the one who gets to your heart?
I keep asking why is this pain tearing me apart?
I thought I’ll never cry but for you I cried with no tears
I cried over the dreams I had about us all over the years
If you had eyes you would have seen my love that you left behind
If you had ears you would have listened to my heart beats inside
All I ever wanted was to make your wishes come true
All I ever wanted was to make you feel the same way I do
I wrote for you the best love poems I can write
And even after you said goodbye I still dream of you at night
I keep asking what if I can’t ever have you here with me?
I keep wondering what kind of life would that be?
I’m doing my best to forget, I’m doing my best to erase this feelings for you
But till now I couldn’t because everything I do reminds me of you
Tell me what to do because without you I can hardly breathe
I pretend to be strong but I feel so weak underneath
“You gave me meaning to this empty world of mine”
And I don’t know if there will ever be another love another time
“Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart”
And now I’m asking, who can mend a broken heart?

Yousef Hani

Submitted on 2004-10-05 14:59:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  You're a sentimentalist and it appears from the few poems I've read, one who is prone to worship rather than see the gentler sex for who they are and appeal to this sense of knowing that goes with intimate understanding of what's important to a woman, and why. It's all so very surface, and I feel I must say that with a certain amount of objectivity. I've no wish to insult, however, the clichés overwhelm your work and render it somewhat predictable and forgettable, and I know this isn't what you want . . . so why does it happen like this? I don't know, but there will always be those who enjoy the simplicity of such things, exemplified by the rhyming scheme you've chosen for this poem, which is, if I can say it, a bit heavy for my taste.

Thanks for sharing.
| Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
  Although one of your earlier pieces I enjoyed it thoroughly which goes to say that poems are timeless in nature.
You take me through your journey of longing and the questions without answers.
Really you have captured the essence of love and its desires to be unified with the one loved.
Yet in this chasm of losing there is experience gained to seek another to recapture that what has been lost. The scar of loss remains until the vaccuum has been filled with a new journey into the unknown that finds and lossens the bondage of a past scar.
| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
  - (sniffle - sniffle ) this is such a great write. while reading this i could feel the pain reflecting through my heart -increadable. The repetition actually brings good effect and this love poem is actually different from the many i have read.I actually felt someting from this writing - really heart rending - thankyou xxxxx
| Posted on 2005-05-25 00:00:00 | by callycat | [ Reply to This ]
  Okay, well i really dont care what the others had to say, i really like this poem...A LOT. i think part of the reason that i like it is because i can relate to it and so can so many others. We have all had a broken heart at one time or another and all we want is for it to be mended. I love the way that your writing just expresses who you are and what you are feeling so purely and so eliquently. I think you are a great writer..and as for who can mend a broken heart..i would have to say three answers..either the girl that broke it...which is very unlikely, a new girl...sometimes she is hard to find because you have your shield/guard up...or in all reality, God can mend your broken heart.

This poems is very good..i really do like it..i have to go now, for I have more of your poems to read.
| Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm. i dont a thing about repetition but its meaning. but honestly i didnt like it. i felt like reading a love poem which i HARDLY do. hmm. wasnt original. outline too simple and overused i think. i might try another ones of yours.

| Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
  Repetition, but it gets the point across. Possibly a little too simple and maybe a bit vauge there's something different. Al in all though, another good one from the famous Yousef. :)
| Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by His Lost Angel | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought it was pretty good... I agree that you need to work on the repetition a bit... but other than that it was alright
| Posted on 2004-11-05 00:00:00 | by xSweetestThingx | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree that this piece is very simple, but that just adds to sincerity of the write. I always find stuff like this touching because I wrote stuff like this once, simple rhyming and it all adds up to a touching write. However, I think that a lot more can be done with these feelings that you have...write on...
| Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
  Sorry dude, I didn't like it..I'm not sure why, maybe it's because the outline seems a little childish...I don't know, and the rhyme wasn't smooth, good effort but I don't like it, sorry.

PS: Get over it!
| Posted on 2004-10-07 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?