Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

A Mistake...


Author: Yousef
ASL Info:    26/M/Egypt
Elite Ratio:    8 - 468 /203 /22
Words: 365
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1878
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1535



Description:


Is there's a point in loving someone that doesn't love you?!


A Mistake...



At last I realized that my love to her was a mistake
Even though all the feelings that I had for her wasn't fake
She broke my heart even though my love to her was real
And it will take time but I'm sure that one day it will heal
After I lost her I started to lose my brain
As if I was dying slowly with a lot of pain
Everything to me was the same
And I didn't know who should I blame?
I felt as if everything I did or said was wrong
I felt as if I just wrote my worst and awful song
I was asking myself why I fell in love with her
From the beginning why didn't I take care?
I keep convincing myself that it wasn't meant to be
Maybe I don't deserve her and maybe she doesn't deserve me
Even though it was a mistake, but my love to her is something I don't regret
Even though it was a mistake, it's the one thing that I just can't forget
I kept wondering is there's a point in loving someone that doesn't love you
Is there's a point in going through what I went through
After all this I really have nothing left to say
But to hope I'll find the one I'm looking for one day
I was ready to do anything for her sake
But now, I realized that my love to her was a mistake


Yousef Hani




Submitted on 2004-10-05 19:28:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  hmm. nope. this one doesnt amuse me neither. but i did like some of it.

I kept wondering is there's a point in loving someone that doesn't love you
Is there's a point in going through what I went through
After all this I really have nothing left to say

liked how each statement flowed to the next. hmm.

After I lost her I started to lose my brain

I think you could of used another word for brain maybe? Actually alot of words you used are real hmm common? i dont know. maybe trying different words or phrases could make it more interesting and emotional. wasnt so emotional too me. just felt like a sappy love poem. BUT. iam going to read another one.

-soomie
| Posted on 2005-03-27 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi a very nice and well written poem. I dont think that the ryhming seemed forced, cuz it didn't.
I would like to tell you just one thing love is not mistake, it is the essence of being alive. Without love life would have been like child without toy, happiness without joy. Sorry I am getting to poetic. I hope you find the person who will love you and will love being with you.
With love shabnam
| Posted on 2004-11-23 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
  Unrequited love? let's not kid ourselves, it happens to 4 out of every 6 girls in the WORLD. or is it just me...anyway, i sure wish you do find the one meant for you one day. pretty sad deal you have here. I was drawn to the title first hand...having thought of something like it for my own writings. Hmm..as the ones before me hath said, i'm not too wild with the rhymes either. The message itself is fully felt- does it comfort you at all to hear that i, myself, have made the same mistake? EGYPTIANS ROCK!
| Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very nice flo. Full of emotion. I think a lot of ppl can relate to this poem how we love someone and often get our heart broken and we ask ourselves why love?
| Posted on 2004-10-05 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]
  i agree with cayman...very emotional and you have a clear voice but some of the rhyming was a little over the top maybe...not needed to have the feeling and flow...
i rhyme sooo much but some times when it's not there...well it's not there.
very telling tale of heartbreak and the pain it causes...
good job
p.s.

WELCOME TO ELITE!
| Posted on 2004-10-05 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
  Man, I truly was entertained. I have to say though, it felt like you forced the poem to rhyme at times. I feel it would've been even greater if you just let the poem write itself. Don't get me wrong, I love rhyme schemes (I do them). Just felt impartial to it in this piece.
| Posted on 2004-10-05 00:00:00 | by Cayman | [ Reply to This ]
  sounds like a story/song/poem... this mixure is great. and happens a lot in poems, i like the first two lines, as they tell what the poem is going to talk about, but doesn't give the full picture too soon. also i like how this shows some personal feelings, like something that has possibly happen to the author...
| Posted on 2004-10-05 00:00:00 | by drkpoet | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



26883