Hmmm... I like the way you wrote it better Bob:) Because... well... it's simple. And you wrote it through the eyes of a child, and wrote about children. It brings peace to mind and happy thoughts about innocence lost. At least for me it does. Don't change a thing. Aken Sol
Haiku has evolved over the years into traditional and non-traditional forms, so I wouldn't care so much about adhering to the "plaines" that paradox refers to... this was a nice message and relays a gentle feeling of kindness
would like to see something more descriptive than always in the first line. yes it fits but there are more descriptive words you could have used that would have held more imagery. jan
Well technically, even if it fits the rhyme scheme, this is not a haiku. The two traditional plaines are not present. Still it is not that bad. I've liked this. There's a typo. (I hope it is ) "nuture" should be nurture
-_-^ i thought it was 7-5-7 but it hink i might have done something wrong in my research. its a very sweet, thought provoking poem though. and i see that several others mentioned the typo but i think i need to go check up on my haiku skills...lol, but i am still a mere child and it was a very gentle, sweet poem ~!~catie o daniels
Submission Name: Nurturing Nature (haiku)
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