Description: im trying to write a great poem at the moment and its not going too well so im branching off into lots of little poems from strange thoughts. this is one of many little side projects im working on rather than the big poem. well enjoy this.
Soft her lips. -------------------------------------------
Soft her lips, as i gently kiss,
Her body trembles as i hold her hips,
Entranced her eyes, as they look in mine,
Laughing nervously as i touch her thigh,
Loving her touch, expecting so much,
I honestly liked this poem, it had an effective rhyme scheme and a giddy feel, but I thought your title brought along the wrong connotation. "Soft Her Lips" sounds like a deep, engrossing love poem (which is why I decided to read it). The poem was actually leaning more toward a sexual mood.
I think that last comment was pretty harsh, 'do me?' Come on? That's relating to your journal too much, oops, I agree, porn can never have beauty or emotions so I don't know why people bother...anyway, where was I, oh yeah, the write...
I think it was a very nice short piece and that the image was given very well, and it rhymes and flows too, if this is anything to go by, I think this 'great poem' of yours is going to be something special, just don't give up mate!
I can get lost in this, it sounds like the beginning of something really hot and juicy.I hope your going to write more .We need something really good to read in here. The story this piece could tell is endless. its straight to the point and i love it so get to writing even if it takes awhile..
Ohh. This poem makes me smile. It reminds me of my friday night. I could definitly relate to the girl in this poem. It makes me giddy! hehe. Thanks for the comment on Whiskey by the way. I edited and revised it, so hopefully you will get a chance to re-read it. Thanks again, -Andrya
LMAO- I LOVE THAT POEM- u should make it longer tho. Lol I know jessica too lol. Awww how sweet did u write it for her! yea like i was saying thats a great poem aside from siren of my eye. keep up the writing buddy- and work on your ratio!
hey man, this poem was short sweet and to the POINT. I liked it, but you're missing one thing. THE BEST FRIEND...you know what I'm talking about, that best friend you also have your eye one. If you play your cards right you can have your hands in both of their back pockets when your walking down the street..Smug Doug did.
Wow, i totally love where this is going. I wish there was more, and i really hope you werent going for a steamy love novel, but it totally had great simple words that gave such in important and often overlooked statement of love. Awesome start, and i truly love it, just add some more, but no rushing it.
I think I just like anything that talks about hands but this is sweet and as another guy said to the point. The words seem to flow easily, perfect... I think I'll raid the rest of your work now :)
This shows sweetness and innocence. The rhyming was interesting. I think it would be interesting if you added more to it but it's good like it is. Great job. -blt :)
This is good one to be your feature piece, I liked it a lot. Good length-short, but says sooo much...cuz I've been this girl before. I like the way you word it, keep it up.
Submission Name: Soft her lips.
