Description: this drivel is brought to you in part by:
Tracy Thorn and Massive Attack - "Better Things"
Gabrielle - "Should I Stay"
i love how i think she's saying bullshit.
i love how pathetic "getting in your way" sounds, and the perverse affect it has on my sullen mood.
EDIT: let's break this down, shall we?
first stanza: basically, a girl living in her own world that is not completely unrealistic, but damn far from the truth.
the second stanza is kind of like "notes to self" - having a conversation with your own mind or a chore list of things to do.
third stanza: like the brochure to her little world that's more about flash than substance. the meat of it is "you only get to leave a room twice" - as in, there's a chance for a do-over - a cautionary escape clause.
hopefully that helps you "get" it.
Dreamer, This Is For You -------------------------------------------
Wave goodbye to the Postcard Life -
the Agadir sun always burned you
two shades too bright.
Come Home to circle and roost like a
Russian Blue around Contentment
and maybe,
because you've made sure he's Hot enough,
he'll do the Decent Thing by you.
in any case:
Be Gorgeous and Piercing; remember that
"Michael" is a dangerous name.
Be Adored and Ornamental; remember that a
gun's highest caliber is the ease of its Trigger.
Baby, this is Stasis
this is "Welcome to --",
Kingdom Inanimate of worries, trials and blues.
a girl named Shy -
singing a selfish, commercially serrated lullaby -
she's the Innkeeper who doesn't have to Keep You.
Just Remember:
you only get to a leave a room
twice.
I thought this was exceptional and moving. My favorite lines:
Wave goodbye to the Postcard Life -
Come Home to circle and roost like a Russian Blue around Contentment and maybe, because you've made sure he's Hot enough, he'll do the Decent Thing by you.
in any case:
Be Gorgeous and Piercing; remember that "Michael" is a dangerous name.
Just Remember: you only get to a leave a room twice.
I'm not sure. Like jaycee said, I'd hate to be the person who actually understood this, because it was. . . I got this at least on my first read. . . some sort of warning, or a hate-message, and that sorta permeated the entire poem, giving it a central theme.
I guess this is sorta a warning to a friend/fellow-female-being of yours not to marry/date/go-out-with the guy in question. Those are my thoughts. It's like she's throwing in the towel on the freedom of singleness, and you're warning her to keep enough distance that in the case of abandonment, she won't be hurt too badly. Maybe the Innkeeper is jealous ex-girlfriend to the guy your friend is going out with?
Dee-lish. Mainstream rock and pop and 'Kids From Fame' all lining up to articulate your needs and wants. The fact that there's vacuity in there and tenuous links to pop-means-love-means-I'm-alone-forever is by-the-by entirely. I was ennervated by the mood of this and the rhythm too. We're all product of the rock 'n' roll moment at least when the recently spent male is listening to Steely Dan as he wipes his member on his girlfriend's parents' curtains. At least when the recently filled and still wanting girlfriend is listening to Julia Fordham as she reaches for the spermicidal sponge. Just memories of 'Queen' and cheap cider. Excellent. For that signal reason alone. Later, K
i wish i hadnt read the description before reading the poem cause then i might have got it *all on my own* .. now we'll never know =P
seriously.. i don't understand why people have a problem with obscurity in poetry. why not work to understand it? and this is a poem that i will probably want to come back to again... it's the kind of poem you can keep discovering new things in... i love the to do list.. 'be gorgeous and piercing'.. it has this feel to it.. like it's from a different era.. i dont know how to explain it.. but it feels victorian.. complete with horse carriages, corsets and feathers in hats... as well as the line.. 'Be Adored and Ornamental'
and then it switches.. 'baby, this is statsis'.. is like coming back to the here and now..
i really like it. the style of the overall work is very intriguing, it draws the attention of the reader. it reminds me of a poem i read by some published author, i forgot who, but if it comes to me i'll let you know, because i'm sure you'd be very interested in his work. this is really a wonderful piece, i wouldn't change anything about it. it shows such creativity and individuality. your word choice and original use of capitalization adds depth tothe meaning, i love it. great work.
geez, what's up with everybody being all harsh? it's cold and early and i'm tired so i hope i get this out halfway intelligent but to me meaning is secondary when you just FEEL it, I still love it;)
A poem should explain itself, with enough reading, and the fact that you have to give hints in the description means that this poem can't really stand on its own two feet. I'm not saying it isn't GOOD. I'm saying that the meaning is just slightly too obscured or convoluted, leaving a feeling of confusion. Even with the hints I don't really get it. Good to read you again, though, and the first stanza has a lot of punch. I missed ya. Becky
At first and second and third glance this just comes across as random gibberish to me. There is no substance in any of the stanzas and it really left me unmoved. And 'you only get to leave a room twice' is hardly original.
And my writings are labelled "obscure" or "abstruse"? I found some great lines in here, but failed to pick up on the thread that holds it all together (even after reading your description, which I only did after the first s - l - o - w read). I keep wondering what the capitalised bits mean (considered a name, it would have been great if this spelled out PABLO PICASSO, or SALVADOR DALI it would have matched the incomprehensible text well). The "get to leave a room twice" line is clear as the jewel it is and I got that on the first read, and the other highly redemptive line is the first, about leaving the postcard life behind. I think the meaning needs development. If you don't care if we get it, I guess it's OK, but how am I to tell for sure? I really try to understand because my own work is often not understood, even when I try to get it simple and clear. I have realised however that writing for myself is a meaningless exercise (I already know what I know) and therefore sell out to mass acceptance and understanding as far as I can bear with my own crud.
holy [censored]...where have you been? jeez this is...i'm speechless, made me giddy or giggly with it's coolness, the gun trigger part, the girl named Shy(i think i'd marry a girl named shy...), and the innkeeper! i'll settle down but wow, i love this, another favorite..so now you're 3 for 3 today in my book;)
hey my gorgeous orchids girl... i gotta say this is pretty nifty really... i read this before i read the break down to see if i "got" it and i just gotta say i love the second stanza... i love the notes to self feel... my head is FULL of those but they always seem to get confused with other stuff and then they dont make any sense... maybe thats why im so crazy and eccentric... poor notes to self LOL and the most random thing is that in my world "michael" IS a dangerous name (though most possibly not for the same reasons as girlee in the poem...) i was really struck by the way this write was kinda stand offish... like she let you see her world but not her except for the wee few notes to self in the middle which pretty matter of factly stated with the 'in any case:'... kinda like she was trying to convince someone to come be with her and she would reveal her insanities or something after... i dunno... but the Innkeeper who doesnt have to keep you is a PRIMO line! im very YAY to see you back! or see you posting and i just think as long as it makes sense and means something to you who cares what anyone thinks... really? you cant not post... i think i will make it an official crime! haha! love ya orchids girl!
Suave. It crosses me that you might have done some traveling. I like these lines : a gun's highest caliber is the ease of its Trigger. (that one gives off a feeling of rage...i'm fascinated with rage..
she's the Innkeeper who doesn't have to Keep You. And that one is just plain cool. You described her as shy, she has contradicting tastes in singing selfish songs, yet i think she is dangerously suave
This piece contains a great extensive,intelligent vocabulary.Aswell as a complex structure,displaying a beautiful rhyme.It's content was of heart grasping intent,reaching a satisfaction in my case.I loved it,liked the way you have thought about what your gonna do, and if this choice is the wisest.Instead of just going along simply because like you said;he's hot enough.A great poem to be read by all.-Vladimir09
This seems very pointed...as if it was written in some complex code for one specific person to decode. The writing itself is very complex and well done but it left me thinking "I guess ya had to be there". jan
Submission Name: Dreamer, This Is For You
