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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Seeing Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: max
    ASL Info:    27 m tennessee
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 152/191/55
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 956
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 533



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSeeing Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    ever a word to describe,
    love is the state of touching--

    it's the best touch of this life

    it's the best touch of this world
    it's the best touch of this moment
    it's the best touch of this life
    it's the best touch of this death
    it's the best touch of death

    death takes you to being comforted
    by knowing that you will die one day,

    in the future it will all be gone away,
    and your life will be done




    Submitted on 2004-10-06 17:02:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey damien, thanks for the feedback yo.

    "the stucture's some what of a mess"

    well atleast it doesn't have the same ol'

    roses are red
    violets are blue
    you light up my life
    and I love you

    structure to it. which is so common at this site. which, in my opinion, becomes very boring after a while.

    yeah thanks for your feedback. in my opinion, it's a pretty good piece.
    I like the end especially. it ends abruptly and bluntly, I like that. and it rings of truth.

    and hey, nothing wrong with the "roses are red, violets are blue" layout, but I just think it's a little childish.
    hey, this site is built on opinions and opinions only.
    every one reads each others poetry, and gives their opinion on it.
    that's all I'm doing, giving my opinion.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by max | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm.i not trying to be a jerk or nothing, but i think the piece needs a complete make over,the "love is life","love is death" sentences could be expended and perhaps refined with other words.Just a suggestion,your intentions are obviously sweet, but the sturcture's a some what of a mess, and perhaps it has to do with that of"love",sometimes love disrupts the mental state,maybe that was the whole point of the piece.hmmm, i wonder.-Vlad09
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by Damien Vladimir | [ Reply to This ]
      no kidding emma...
    your topic was good, but i don't go for the love is this, love is this #2, love is this #3. Truly it does get predictable and thus, boring...a variety of emotion might help out as well.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    5. Which parts?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    27009

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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