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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Songbirddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: roxygirl239
    ASL Info:    14/f/VA
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 450/305/44
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1010
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 604



    Description:
       
    Inspired by a lonely bird singing on top of a street light. I was walking home and heard it(than saw it of course) I just found it an interesting thing to think about

    Quickly written. I need help on it. Please be honest! It has meaning, but none I am currently relating too, words may be ordinary. HELP!!!



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSongbirddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Songbird,
    When will you share
    Your sweet melodies with me?
    Youíre so surrounded and
    The noise is scattering
    Amongst the willow trees

    Why arenít I
    A part of your harmonies?
    Even if
    I am the worm
    Why canít you come
    Retrieve me?

    Stranded in the rain
    I still canít here you sing
    Drowning in a puddle of
    All of their tears
    I thought I was
    Their gruesome fears

    Let us be
    A symphony
    The flock and us
    Singing
    With the songbird




    Submitted on 2004-10-06 18:39:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was very well written. Improvement of your writing shows great here. Anywho, I think you did well, can't really tell you what to improve here, because I didn't see anything. You did well with your sense of emotion not letting it get out of control, and you contained the image of the song bird. This is truly perfect.

    Julian
    | Posted on 2004-10-12 00:00:00 | by Nashataku | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well written poem. It is a happy poem. While slightly sad. One thing I dont understand. If you were the worm I am sure the song bird would not exactly want to share melodies with you. I know you didnt mean it like that. Just a thought. I look forward to reading more of your writing.
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by FeelingAlive | [ Reply to This ]
      hm. what else is like a song bird... a heart in love? ...maybe... Oh, A creative mind! if you wish, you could say how the bird is like a creative mind, filling the world with the song of where it has been. heh...it's a thought... personally, i like it just how it is. but if you want to change it... good job!
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by winged_writer_robyn | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this one, I felt peace while reading it, I also felt as if I'm in the woods and I'm listining to the whispers of those birds trying to understand what are they talking about! It reminded me with "Kenny G" and his piece "Song bird", it's my favorite, Good job, Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      i actually didnt think it was bad at all. it seemed rushed, but it brought out what seemed to be your true thoughts, which is hard to come by. I love your choice of writting about the songbird, just that alone shows how you like to view the world, and tells a whole lot about who you are. I love people who can look beyond the obvious, and look at things in a different and uncommon way. i think if you give it time, and dont be totally happy with it, it may change to your liking, but dont let people give you ignorant ideas one what would make it better. you seem to know how to write an amazing poem, it will just come
    | Posted on 2004-10-27 00:00:00 | by Josh | [ Reply to This ]


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