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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: (pt. 2)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    21/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 561/361/63
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 282
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1060



    Description:
       I'm so blonde- I thought I had posted this, but actually I hadn't! It's part 2 with "Once in a Blue Moon" and "love at all the wrong times", but this doesn't have a decent title yet.

    For some reason, I didn't like this piece when I wrote it. Coming back to it, I do like it more now.... lemme know what ya'll think, and what you think of the trilogy. Thanks!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots(pt. 2)dots
    -------------------------------------------



    Blurred and nebulous
    images streak past in the night.
    My eyes burn,
    my mind wanders
    far away from this car and this road
    and these thoughts.
    It’s not emotions I have…
    it’s them that have me.

    Speeding past bridges and mile markers,
    I wish I could drive away
    from this problem;
    this wanting
    not to be hurt,
    wanting not to hurt him.
    Wanting to ignore pain and
    numb this longing
    in order to avoid
    heartbreak.

    The harvest moon
    shines in a velvet backdrop,
    leading me home.
    Orange accompanied by
    the starry skies-
    a million tiny Christmas lights,
    all shining for me.
    Each of them-
    a path
    leading me to life.

    The same moon
    shone down a few days ago,
    though it seems like
    seconds ago,
    years ago.
    You and I,
    falling in love,
    witnessed only by
    that moon,
    those stars.




    Submitted on 2004-10-06 20:13:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I havent read the first but i liked this one, your naration is good, adn you use wonderful imagery. the poem made seemed to me as if the character is running or leaving something that they loved, but hurts them, and has driven them to leave, and as they go on they begin to think back on the good times, and begin to feel beter. ill be sure to check out the first one.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by SHEslaysME | [ Reply to This ]
      thank the good heaven...i thought i was missing it and didn't want to be lookin sill by asking...hehe

    ok now there's a falling ever so softly...from one to the next, poems that is.
    the first is almost firey and hungry
    this a sort of turning in the road
    and the last...passing over...getting free
    breaking the grip that your holding so tightly.

    yeah...you rock and roll them out of the park and yes...in my mind you and girlinthephoto
    have the seem effect on me...strip me and colour me wonderful...yep
    so i thank you!
    *stands and claps real flippen hard*
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the feeling this poem conveys, but I do think it's a bit prose-y. (<- This may be purely my opinion.) And I may be out of it, but your enjambments seem really random, I'm not sure that I like that. But as far as the narrative goes, good job.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by lesser_threat | [ Reply to This ]



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