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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Sunderingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AtrophyEmpathos
    ASL Info:    19 M California
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 45/55/29
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 958
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 537



    Description:
       I'd love commentary in terms of personal interpretation, it helps me to know if I am conveying what I intend.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sunderingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    This crest shattered by escaping light -
    Slices strong and weathered sinew,
    Covered in a river of blood.

    Sundering so terribly beautiful
    It could blind the eyes of angels.

    Knees bent to the razorís lullaby,
    Red letters seep through a hollow
    That once brimmed and bounded beauty.

    Sharpened steel of a last, passionless kiss
    Releasing every gathered star
    Back to that unreachable canopy
    Of such vast, suffocating, cold.




    Submitted on 2004-10-06 21:20:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Red sky at night, sailors delight.
    Red sky in morn, sailors be warned.

    Especially in Key west, I've seen the overwhelmingly angstful beauty of a red sunset in November, giving way to the chill of speckled night, the streaking bloodstains of light reflected. Near-crimson cutting into orange...harvesting Autumn, presenting it's display of dying beauty before Winter steps in to muck the heavens with grey and brown.

    I'm just glad that seasonal goodbye is never forever...

    Well, that's my take on it...nice work!
    | Posted on 2004-10-07 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the poem. dark yet beautiful. never heard death talked about that way. puts a new view about it in my head. It makes Death sound different. not like it's always pratried as.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sure it might sound odd for me to say I thought this poem was beautiful, considering the wording that you used, but I really thought it was. If you don't think too much about what it's about, it's kinda nice. I'm not a fan of poems that don't rhyme, shoot me if you want, but I liked this one, good-good job.
    | Posted on 2004-10-06 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    7. What was unclear?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    27052

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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