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Humor Me


Author: Suven7
ASL Info:    20 female Fla
Elite Ratio:    7.08 - 478 /260 /47
Words: 136
Class/Type: Poetry /Satire
Total Views: 1011
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 814



Description:


"Because the sun burns me, you will stay in the sun....You shall lie down on every puddle, that I may walk over dry-shod" -Uncle Tom's Cabin


Humor Me



Bear forward in your stumbling steps
Drag your lame leg forth lively!
For me, settle the ocean’s very depths
By casting one of your sweet child to sea

Kneel before me on the salted sin of wood
I delight in hearing your painful groan
And pray my dog, to you, be good
Enraged as he is for the stolen bone

Before me, I dare you to stand,
Ever obedient you force a bow,
Before many an oppressive hand
In many a hungry nights- I dare you!
Steal for your kids’ food now

As I bleed you before your children and wife
In this hell you prize as your common hive
And as your heart holds fast this knife
It reminds me of a foolish man-
-One never evil enough to survive.




Submitted on 2004-10-07 10:45:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  For some odd reason, this poem reminds me of Ms Franza's class when she had us act out the "The British are Coming!" scene. No idea why.

But anyways, this was different from some of your other writes. It had more... imagery and was much more difficult to understand- I had to read it twice before the message really sunk in. And even then, I probably don't understand it all. Oh well.

Anyways, how have you been? You're going to Rogers, right?

-T o x i c R o s e
| Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed the background idea of your poem. its hard to get a general idea of what your saying, try to choose an idea, and base it on one thing, try to bring your point in with symbolism. I extremly enjoy your wording, but using everyday words can make a poem bland, try to expand your word usage, it will greatly imrpove on the effect the poem gives people. The poem gave a very powerful out look, it was strong, and showed much power. Using words such as me, you, i, ect...pull away from the poem, we know how you feel becuase your wirting it so saying those words distracts and pulls away, your poetry would increase its level of power. It is a nice poem, it reads a bit rough, try to improve your word usage, good luck!

<3,
PiercedHeart
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by PiercedHeart | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really good, I hope I see more of your work on here I would be interested in reading more.

I liked the emotion that bled from this, I am gonna add it to my favs.
| Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  Lol. Wonderful. I suggest you listen to "Slave to the Wage" by Placebo. I really liked this poem, can't even find a tiny flaw. You need a better critic.

But then, no statue has ever been erected to honour a CRITIC of poetry...
| Posted on 2004-10-07 00:00:00 | by whiteknight | [ Reply to This ]
  mew... very... I can't say nice because it wasn't a nice poem but it was very good either way... It showed a lot of emotion and... a little imagery but maybe I just didn't fully get it... either way... your description served its job well and helped me understand this piece better.
-Alli
| Posted on 2004-10-07 00:00:00 | by Childoutspoken | [ Reply to This ]


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