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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Message in a Bottledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Love
    Total Views: 592
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 403



    Description:
       This is just a little piece that I burped onto papper just now. This kinda fits my thoughts that I need to meet woman outside of the sphere of people I know.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMessage in a Bottledots
    -------------------------------------------


    High tide is coming
    But I’ll keep my feet in the sand


    Let the current take me away
    Theres a message in this bottle


    Upon some distant shore to be found
    She’ll walk along barefoot and smiling


    Dusting the sand from my eyes
    I’ll qoute the Door’s
    “Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?”




    Submitted on 2004-10-08 10:26:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      oh, [censored], son, this is great! i love love love the ending...that song, man, makes me want to like, go to some crazy strip clubs in Amsterdam and get completely wasted, dance with all the hot scandinavian chicks...whoa. gotta compose myself, goin to class this mornin...but anyhow, i love the very first line as well...about the tide comin, but you keep your feet in the sand...very Morrison-esque. the middle part needs a little more substance, i think...if you want i can work on it...????? id love to, need some new fun project...anytime dear. well i gotta split but i'll talk to you soon, very fun write! ~april
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by leper messiah | [ Reply to This ]
      lol.. that censored part is supposed to read

    you s.uckered me

    why did it censor that... ??? oh well.. again cool piece.
    | Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by wilderness | [ Reply to This ]
      cool. i like the short pieces.. my attention span isn't what it used to be (i blame video games.. but that's just passing the buck) good job man, the ocean analogy worked really well. and [censored]ered me with that doors quote :)
    | Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by wilderness | [ Reply to This ]
      dude...i love this...simplistic stuff seems to draw my attention...and the simple moment is more enjoyable than the metaphoric mysteries sometimes...i love the whole thing...and the simple statement of wanting to find that special someone...and your description of this write made me laugh though point understood...sometimes running outside our circle is what we need to find someone...outside of the comfort zone...but its worth it when you find that special someone...right?...i guess so...lol...i'm just as yearning as you...nice write...purps
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      you're on my wavelength(haha wordplay..waves..ocean..yeah). plus you went with two songs i like...I hate sting now but message in a bottle is good and the doors of course, though I think Jim had better luck with the ladies than i do...
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      first up... i love the quoting the door's part... thats awesome! i very much agree with your comment in the summary about needing to find ppl outside your sphere yet i wonder how one does that in all reality... i like how your the bottle... thats very groovy! good luck with everything!
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      i think this is fine the way it is
    sweet
    and it defintly shows you well
    with the quote at the end
    whats that about music being your life?
    i think that you should possibly if you want to ever take it further put some sort of emphasis on how you need a girl who isnt like the regular girls you know
    right <3
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by scorpio sphinx | [ Reply to This ]
      awwww...
    alright...you married?...
    hehehe
    okay okay...i'm a nut...wanna crack me?...
    ok ok...i know silly willy that can't think straight.
    it's you...you take the breath from my chest and the thought from my mind and wipe them out, leaving me completely out of control...filling me with your beauty...ahhhh
    you write love and longing so well..
    yep...keep em coming
    your fans need MORE
    lol...ok i'm really sorry...i'm so BORED
    | Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Have to agree with others. This was rambling and disjointed. It was a nice thought and maybe could be worked on but it has a ways to go.
    | Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      it's nice to have dreams but to be serious,i don't think that this one is going to be fulfilled.however,your flight of fancy was enjoyable to read.good luck and fare well.
    | Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by sickly | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, this probably just me but I just couldn't understand the outline nor like the structure, it felt very distorted to me...sorry.
    | Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]
      I get the first six lines, and they describe what you said in your description very well but what I found was that those were about the message being sent and found, but the last stanza was about you again, when you'd had just talked about 'her.'

    I can appreciate that this is just random thoughts but it sounded quite organised to me...
    | Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this! I often wonder if bottles ever make it to the other side of the ocean... I've tried but never gotten an answer.. I love the little things you put in here! And yeah, that song is so awesome that it made my day!
    Thanks!!
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by Laveina | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    9. How could it be improved?
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