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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Her Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drkpoet
    ASL Info:    21/m/NJ
    Elite Ratio:    3.04 - 442/527/94
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 397
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 913



    Description:
       something that was wrote for an old friend of mine. R.I.P. Shawna 10-6-04 your life always remembered...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHer Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Darkness surrounds her brain,
    And death enters her thoughts.
    Her body is dead,
    While her mind is not.

    She has entered a state of confusion
    And she has taken the wrong turn.
    Scared now she begins to look about,
    Her life she begins to yearn.

    Tender is her heart,
    Demented is her soul.
    She’s killed too many,
    Her life’s way to cruel.

    Karma has caught,
    What it has come for.
    This little girl,
    Only three or four.

    Dreams were what she dreaded,
    Now nightmares are part of her life.
    She’s entered an eternal sleep,
    All cause she turned and depended on the knife.

    One sharp blade,
    And too many troubles,
    She grabbed at the knife
    And cut, she sat there and watched the blood bubble.

    DrkPoet





    Submitted on 2004-10-08 16:18:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think it was really good and it was touching. But I think that it could be improved if you did away with the rhyme scheme. Because in this work your rhymes were done sporatically in stanzas. Sometimes you would rhyme perfectly, then you'd rhyme imperfectly and sometimes not at all. But its your call. -Kenji
    | Posted on 2004-10-09 00:00:00 | by Kenji Light | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very touching and there's not really much else I can say because it's not my place to critise something like this. The way you said you'll always remember this person really got to me when I read this.
    | Posted on 2004-10-09 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. great poem. i guess Ohio has a lot of talent in it. I lived there till july of this year. It really is a good poem. With a lot of meaning behind the words i bet. anyway, keep up the great work. and it just got put on my favorits.
    | Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
      whats great about this poem is i know you don't know me, but you did just describe me. yea cutter and all but i like to think i've gott somewhat better at least and i'm not half as bad as i use to be! but this poem i can surely relate to.
    | Posted on 2004-10-19 00:00:00 | by monophobic | [ Reply to This ]



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