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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Those Who You Forgotdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drkpoet
    ASL Info:    25/m/NJ
    Elite Ratio:    3.04 - 442/527/94
    Words: 321
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1058
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2018



    Description:
       Nothing more, nothin less, writting to get it off my chest.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThose Who You Forgotdots
    -------------------------------------------


    He went to school today,
    For one reason only,
    And that was to say
    What he had to say.

    First period passed without another thought
    Then second.
    After he knew it lunch was here.

    That little boy scared
    Like never before,
    Got his tray and sat at his normal table.
    As usual he say alone.

    When his tray was empty,
    And he drank his milk,
    He could barely sit still.
    He jumped three feet when the bell rang.

    Walking slowly down the hallway
    His head hung lower than normal.
    Headed toward the gym.
    A meeting was being held today.

    When everyone was seated
    And everyone was quite.
    Johnny got up on stage.
    Fighting off the teachers that told him no.

    And got the attention of the school.
    This is the time that Johnny made his announcement.

    “School should be a fun place,
    And place for people to meet,
    Where it shouldn’t matter your about your race
    It shouldn’t matter about the money you have.

    It should be a time of fun,
    Not a time where you have to be made fun of,
    Not a time where you are scared to look at people
    When you are walking down the hallway.

    I would like to say thanks to you all,
    For making my high school life,
    A complete bitch.
    So this is the last thing I’m going to say before I have to go.
    Remember the good times you had,
    Remember the people you forgot,
    For this is the last time you’ll see me,
    Now that I take this gun,
    I’ll finally end my plot….”
    **boom**

    The crowd screamed in bitter pain,
    And Johnny lay dead,
    While the crowd came to a painful quietness
    A young lady got up and spoke on his behalf.

    “Let’s all remember the people who we all forgot.”

    DrkPoet





    Submitted on 2004-10-08 17:13:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A nice message, and unfortunately it is one that today goes unheard. I'm not sure I agree with "secret moon". It is a single curse, in a rather placid plea. He starts out so meek, but Johnny's anger grows by the mid section and I think is is understandable that he would swear, when finally he ends his speech with a spark of hope amidst his demise. All in all, not very evasive theme, but a strong message in a way that I see as nicely executed (no pun intended).

    Changes:

    'That little boy scared
    Like never before,
    Got his tray and sat at his normal table.
    As usual he say alone.'

    **Just wondering, should "say" be "sat"?**
    | Posted on 2004-11-22 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very nice, the words are chosen crafully which gave a vivid image of what was happening, it reminds me of the high school -which I hated by the way-, but the difference between me and Johnny, that I didn't break, instead I fought back, and I'm still here :-)
    Good work.
    | Posted on 2004-10-09 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked your poem alot, may be my high school was nothing like this, it was a real good one in fact, but I'm in another country in another content, so there's no comparison what so ever! But I really felt the words, I really felt the insult, I really felt the anger, I felt it all from your presentation, but the only thing I can say is "High school is just a stage from many stages we have to go through, some of these stages is fun and some is pain, so we should enjoy the fun and get over the pain", Good writing.
    | Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...this is deep. Johny's speech was very true. Many places are based on race, wealth, or gender, and the ending for this poem was great.
    Where it shouldn’t matter your about your race
    Remove the first "your" in this line; that's my only suggestion. Really, really good poem.
    | Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by Tears of Azrael | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really dark. . . you've got a lot of powerful emotion behind it, but I've got one complaint: it's really straight forward. Although you would think it would be a fairly original theme, it's one of several similar poems that I've read while on this site, which hasn't been a very long time. Try and rephrase things to make it a little more original. . . also, get rid of the cussword. It doesn't help this poem at all, but only shows or makes it seem like you aren't smart enough to come up with something more intelligent.
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2004-10-08 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      such a crazy theme, yet so easy to see through the pain. Everybody goes through this, and it seems almost selfish to go about this route. Is this a true event, if so let me know. The words conveyed the depseration perfectly, almost too well. keep writing
    | Posted on 2004-10-16 00:00:00 | by Josh | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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