i dare you. by freeradical

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Submission Name: i dare you. dots

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Author:	freeradical
ASL Info:	22/feline/london
Elite Ratio:	5.29 - 311/401/62
Words:	70

Class/Type:	Poetry/Happy
Total Views:	365
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	489

Description:
it's a stupid little poem, i feel like i could conquer the world and every heart within it. i feel charming, and darling and i know that my smile is no mona lisa smile; my eyes are happy.

i dare you. dots

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look at me,
on the inside.

and tell me my eyes are the color
you thought you could only
feel.

kiss me,
on the outside.

and delude yourself into
sanity.

watch the air,
around me.

and pretend it doesn't matter that
you breathe my exhaled breath.

feel me,
in your arms.

and try not to fall in love.

i dare you.

Submitted on 2004-10-09 00:58:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i really like this poem and the imagery and the positivity.. but the line breaks are slightly distracting.
i can only assume that you were doing this to somehow reflect the idea of "falling" in love with a visual aspect of the poem but i think either way it does your poem more harm than good.

other than that i have no complaints.. the last 4 lines are absolute brilliance.
| Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
  wow. so much confidence exuded in so few lines! You seem very content through this piece. The mental image I get is you outside on a crisp fall day, and we've (me as the guy) been talking for a few minutes... you start to go, and I throw out one last desperate attempt at a witty remark, a memorable goodbye, and you turn and laugh and your hair goes whipping in the wind. You confidently stride away, and my heart yearns.

That's what I see... I know this, except its a guy striding away, and no hair whipping! But great job... very well done.
| Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
  whoa, very powerful, heavy breathing,not THAT kind of heavy breathing..hmm...damn I don't know how else to put it, like someone just letting it all out and their hair blowing and the chest rising as they speak. I just love the challenge of it and I think i would totally fail the challenge:P
| Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
  Glad to hear this one.. its different from your usual poem.. because its wwaayy simpler, and cute just like Kiera.. heh you and your love.. damn that stupid little feeling.. plz be good.. see you in 8 to 10 heh.. byezers

.brnno.
| Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hm... I don't know if I could take up that dare. This is a good poem. I have always loved simple works that manage to be clear and powerful. I'm glad you are back on this site as lately it is invaded by poets with no talent at all. I'm waiting for more poems for you.

Maybe you could check out my latest work as it seems that very few people here understand it...
| Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
  cute, i dont know what to say, its not in depth enough for me to ramble about. so whatever its a nice little piece.
| Posted on 2004-10-09 00:00:00 | by locke | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked the confidence in the poem, as if you have a power over the other person. The style and structure is also original and the simple diction allows for an easy and entertaining read.
| Posted on 2004-10-09 00:00:00 | by Leila | [ Reply to This ]
  This emotion of which you speak of...which is it...love? Yes well Smug Doug doesn't have such an emotion. I take hearts and I break hearts, and sometimes two or three at a time. I once knew a girl from the UK who came and stayed at my islands...not pretty at all but she always said that it was easier to get a guy there. Don't know why...Listen, I liked this poem, if Smug Doug leaves a comment it's because he likes it or really doesn't like it. in your case he likes it.
| Posted on 2004-10-09 00:00:00 | by Smug_Doug | [ Reply to This ]

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