Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Urban Encroachmentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Epiphany
    ASL Info:    42/F/Universe
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 3342/2139/390
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Satire
    Total Views: 691
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 547



    Description:
       This is something I'm just starting but I must go for now ...to finish later
    Love, Peace, Joy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUrban Encroachmentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Perched high atop the once small town of Placerville, CA.; my soul and spirit breathing in the landscape, whistling in conversation with the birds, shaking my auburn hair in the breeze along with the trees shedding their summer coat for fall.
    Suddenly a fire truck and the noisy traffic, like a devil, have intruded upon my soul glide and are beckoning me to reality. This town is no longer strong and the birds, along with the trees are diminishing and being replaced by million-dollar homes "nestled" in my foothills.




    Submitted on 2004-10-09 12:26:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It does have good imagery but the flow needs work.

    Maybe they are moving there because they want to live their idea of what they believe to be their american dream. I sence a slight bit of jealousy/resentment. Though some of them may not have, I think maybe the majority of those encroaching on your town probably worked their butts off to do it. Not everybody wins the lottery or walks into money. You shouldnt blame them for wanting to better themselves. probably shouldnt comment until your final draft is completed.
    | Posted on 2004-10-09 00:00:00 | by lottanada | [ Reply to This ]
      You create excellent imagery, but the structure needs work to make it easier to read. And, since it's thoughts: thoughts don't flow, they're sort of detatched pieces, but still connected, like a puzzle you're building. You can disconnect it like a poem. It was a great read.
    | Posted on 2004-10-09 00:00:00 | by Leila | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really beautiful. I really liked the imagery of this piece. It brought out clear mental images in my mind and really gave me a clear perspective as to where the individual in this piece stands. I think the subject matter is something a lot of us can relate with. I grew up in the mountains and it was shell shock moving to a major metropolitan area. Good write, keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2004-10-09 00:00:00 | by Lightbringer | [ Reply to This ]
      i could see you standing there with the wind in your hair, enjoying the beauty... and then here comes the noise... i hate what is happening with all the people taking up all the space... it is sad, and my heart aches for the animals being displaced from their homes. this made me sad and angry at the same time. i love the line about it intruding on your soul glide! that's excellent!
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Yanno I liked this one but, im not sure I have the same understanding. I don't believe that cities are inherently ugly, or that the wilderness is inherently beautiful. However I do believe that an environment that makes people happy is by definition pretty, and considering those million dollar homes are nestled with some of the most unhappy people in the world, those urban areas most be despicable things.
    shard
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    27384

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cage written by distortedcloud
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Incubus written by monad
    Bond written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Giving written by jjd
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry