Perched high atop the once small town of Placerville, CA.; my soul and spirit breathing in the landscape, whistling in conversation with the birds, shaking my auburn hair in the breeze along with the trees shedding their summer coat for fall.
Suddenly a fire truck and the noisy traffic, like a devil, have intruded upon my soul glide and are beckoning me to reality. This town is no longer strong and the birds, along with the trees are diminishing and being replaced by million-dollar homes "nestled" in my foothills.
It does have good imagery but the flow needs work.
Maybe they are moving there because they want to live their idea of what they believe to be their american dream. I sence a slight bit of jealousy/resentment. Though some of them may not have, I think maybe the majority of those encroaching on your town probably worked their butts off to do it. Not everybody wins the lottery or walks into money. You shouldnt blame them for wanting to better themselves. probably shouldnt comment until your final draft is completed.
You create excellent imagery, but the structure needs work to make it easier to read. And, since it's thoughts: thoughts don't flow, they're sort of detatched pieces, but still connected, like a puzzle you're building. You can disconnect it like a poem. It was a great read.
This is really beautiful. I really liked the imagery of this piece. It brought out clear mental images in my mind and really gave me a clear perspective as to where the individual in this piece stands. I think the subject matter is something a lot of us can relate with. I grew up in the mountains and it was shell shock moving to a major metropolitan area. Good write, keep up the good work.
i could see you standing there with the wind in your hair, enjoying the beauty... and then here comes the noise... i hate what is happening with all the people taking up all the space... it is sad, and my heart aches for the animals being displaced from their homes. this made me sad and angry at the same time. i love the line about it intruding on your soul glide! that's excellent!
Yanno I liked this one but, im not sure I have the same understanding. I don't believe that cities are inherently ugly, or that the wilderness is inherently beautiful. However I do believe that an environment that makes people happy is by definition pretty, and considering those million dollar homes are nestled with some of the most unhappy people in the world, those urban areas most be despicable things. shard