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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Slow Dance in Open Flamedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Butterfly Bullets
    ASL Info:    24/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 188/257/24
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 1464
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1123



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Slow Dance in Open Flamedots
    -------------------------------------------


    In this coffin made for two
    Iím getting used to missing you
    And all the victims we burned away

    We were romance, suicide
    We would slow dance as we die inside
    Till tomorrow became yesterday

    Now youíre gone, and the pictures remain
    No more holding on, no more living this way
    Please say you understand
    Please say you understand
    Iíll be waiting for you right here
    Always

    The more I scream I feel it less
    Like your fingers wrapped around my neck
    I say I love you, you say goodbye

    Sweet nothings from sweet no ones
    The comfort as we come undone
    Like the tears of a long goodnight

    Please say you understand
    Please say you understand
    Iíll be waiting for you right here
    Right here always

    And as my last breath
    Makes its way from my chest
    I want you to remember this

    Your name tonight
    Like every night
    Is the last word to fall from my lips

    Please say you understand




    Submitted on 2004-10-10 17:11:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Sweet nothings from sweet no ones
    The comfort as we come undone
    Like the tears of a long goodnight

    thats my fav stanza.. god some of the stuff you write is so amazing i love your work..
    | Posted on 2005-08-23 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      how do you do it? each song seems fresh and new although you do tend to stick to a similar theme.
    the first three lines are great.. pulls you right in and while the imagery is definitely something that we've all probably come across before.. i do like the way you've used it.
    i dont entirely understand the pull that your work has.. it might be its universality.. you allow everyone to relate and that might be where it's power lies. im not sure tho...
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      It is good to know if they understand or feel the same. It is good just to hear their voice. It still blows my mind how F*CKING talented you are.

    "Sweet nothings from sweet no ones
    The comfort as we come undone
    Like the tears of a long goodnight."

    This, by far, was my favorite line, myself knowing the tears of long goodbyes. I'm sure this all sounds so strange from a kid, only 16 and barely that, but I have learned much. And of all the things I've learned, the most important is that I learned to Love, and for better or for worse I shall continue to do so. Thank you for posting such beautiful artwork... may you find all that you are looking for and more. Virgil
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by Lip_Gloss_and_Black | [ Reply to This ]
      well as for your description i'll be a smart arse andsay yes i've heard songs that don't have lines that repeat but yes most songs do have repeated lines...i'm agreeing with fizzle i wish i could hear it...lyrics seem lifeless without the music...these aren't bad lyrics ...though one line i've heard phrased diffrently in so many songs i guess thats why it annoys me the hands around my neck line...but besides that i enjoyed it...purps
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very romantic and sad. It reminds me of Romeo and Juliet. (Love that movie.) I would love to hear this as a song, rock song I think would be best. I like your style. Good job.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-10-12 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      as always, another great write. i really like this one. the lines flow in an interesting way, i didn't know what to expect next. i always like the unexpected. now for my favorite lines:

    "In this coffin made for two
    Iím getting used to missing you
    And all the victims we burned away

    We were romantic suicide
    We would slow dance as we die
    Till tomorrow became yesterday"

    amazing. write me another one :)
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by painfullyme | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, I'm not going to read any other comment because that'll influence me, I'm just saying what I think...

    I say that a break from anything is good, because it lets you step back and look and what you've done before. I can appreciate that it takes a lot to overcome writers block and though you may have been away, I can definately see the reflection of the 'old' you (if you will) in this write.

    With regards to the write itself, there were so many great parts to this, I could copy and paste them until there is no more space left for me to type. It flows brilliantly and I have no way to improve another piece of lyrical genius. Another one for a favs addition, mate, your back with avengance (<- miss-usage of word)

    James
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      is there anywhere we could hear this in song form? Sometimes only reading lyrics without hearing the music is like eating cake without icing: It's good but it's missing a little something.

    So yeah i guess thats my stance, these lyrics are good but I can tell there is something missing. Would like to hear in song form.


    peace bro,
    kam
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      i've been waiting for some more work by you, and finally you are, and with a vengence! each time i read a piece of yours i become more and more mystified by your absolute expertise when it comes to writing songs. so lyrics repeat now, do they? lol, jk. but anyways, this is an excellent piece, and the 'say you understand' part fits just fine, especially at the end, because it leaves with the task of thinking up waht happens next, which is good. good write, and glad to have you back.
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by mallyland | [ Reply to This ]
      I know how you feel.
    I hate being the person who gets left behind.
    Now youíre gone, but the pictures remain
    I love that line.
    But personally, its more than pictures for me. Its all that emotion that they took with them when they left. and the feeling of complete emptiness.
    Ugh.
    I love it.
    But it stands so true for me that it makes me hurt.
    I wish be like... read this. THIS is how I feel. This is how YOU made me feel.
    I hope your having better luck than myself.
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a nice poem, some lines I realy liked. But I don't like part when you say "Say you understand..." it spoils the concept. Repeating this lines you are making it vorse. But it is still good.
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      the first two lines captured him and the rest of the poem reminded me of Romeo and Juliet. I liked it the poem but i loved the beginning..nice stuff
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by butterflygirl13 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this. But it seems to me like you have a rhyming style but it goes away and comes back again. I perfer a steady rhyming style if there's going to be one. But this is very well written and I love it a lot.
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by Cigarette Smoke | [ Reply to This ]
      hey butterfly bullets boy... great to see you posted! this kinda has the romeo and juliet quality to it but this is a whle lot more yummy'er! and i cannot pinpoint a fav line coz the whole thing is peppered with the most amazingly gorgeously sad images. i wish i could give you a decent comment but i just cant tonight though that is not a reflection on your poem but rather on my world so i shall shut up now and revisit this sometime soon... awesome to see your overcoming your block!
    | Posted on 2004-10-16 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this is amazing! This truely is a great song, everything went on with a flow that you can almost get the rythmn to sing it out loud. and the message is so beautiful. i love everything about it, definently going straight to favs.
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      i love it...
    "We were romance , suicide
    We would slow dance as we die inside"
    those r wonderful lines...
    i dunno, maybe its b/c ive felt this way b4-u wanting some1 there, u wanting some1 to understand u, some1 to be honest with u, and in reality, u wanting to be honest with urself...but it never seems to work out the way u want it...and it sucks..owell...
    overall great write-and if u have music to this, i would love to hear it-cuz it sounds like it would be a great song
    ps-copeland=amazing
    | Posted on 2004-10-31 00:00:00 | by brokenmirror | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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