A Slow Dance in Open Flame -------------------------------------------
In this coffin made for two
I’m getting used to missing you
And all the victims we burned away
We were romance, suicide
We would slow dance as we die inside
Till tomorrow became yesterday
Now you’re gone, and the pictures remain
No more holding on, no more living this way
Please say you understand
Please say you understand
I’ll be waiting for you right here
Always
The more I scream I feel it less
Like your fingers wrapped around my neck
I say I love you, you say goodbye
Sweet nothings from sweet no ones
The comfort as we come undone
Like the tears of a long goodnight
Please say you understand
Please say you understand
I’ll be waiting for you right here
Right here always
And as my last breath
Makes its way from my chest
I want you to remember this
Your name tonight
Like every night
Is the last word to fall from my lips
how do you do it? each song seems fresh and new although you do tend to stick to a similar theme. the first three lines are great.. pulls you right in and while the imagery is definitely something that we've all probably come across before.. i do like the way you've used it. i dont entirely understand the pull that your work has.. it might be its universality.. you allow everyone to relate and that might be where it's power lies. im not sure tho...
It is good to know if they understand or feel the same. It is good just to hear their voice. It still blows my mind how F*CKING talented you are.
"Sweet nothings from sweet no ones The comfort as we come undone Like the tears of a long goodnight."
This, by far, was my favorite line, myself knowing the tears of long goodbyes. I'm sure this all sounds so strange from a kid, only 16 and barely that, but I have learned much. And of all the things I've learned, the most important is that I learned to Love, and for better or for worse I shall continue to do so. Thank you for posting such beautiful artwork... may you find all that you are looking for and more. Virgil
well as for your description i'll be a smart arse andsay yes i've heard songs that don't have lines that repeat but yes most songs do have repeated lines...i'm agreeing with fizzle i wish i could hear it...lyrics seem lifeless without the music...these aren't bad lyrics ...though one line i've heard phrased diffrently in so many songs i guess thats why it annoys me the hands around my neck line...but besides that i enjoyed it...purps
This is very romantic and sad. It reminds me of Romeo and Juliet. (Love that movie.) I would love to hear this as a song, rock song I think would be best. I like your style. Good job. -blt
as always, another great write. i really like this one. the lines flow in an interesting way, i didn't know what to expect next. i always like the unexpected. now for my favorite lines:
"In this coffin made for two I’m getting used to missing you And all the victims we burned away
We were romantic suicide We would slow dance as we die Till tomorrow became yesterday"
Okay, I'm not going to read any other comment because that'll influence me, I'm just saying what I think...
I say that a break from anything is good, because it lets you step back and look and what you've done before. I can appreciate that it takes a lot to overcome writers block and though you may have been away, I can definately see the reflection of the 'old' you (if you will) in this write.
With regards to the write itself, there were so many great parts to this, I could copy and paste them until there is no more space left for me to type. It flows brilliantly and I have no way to improve another piece of lyrical genius. Another one for a favs addition, mate, your back with avengance (<- miss-usage of word)
is there anywhere we could hear this in song form? Sometimes only reading lyrics without hearing the music is like eating cake without icing: It's good but it's missing a little something.
So yeah i guess thats my stance, these lyrics are good but I can tell there is something missing. Would like to hear in song form.
i've been waiting for some more work by you, and finally you are, and with a vengence! each time i read a piece of yours i become more and more mystified by your absolute expertise when it comes to writing songs. so lyrics repeat now, do they? lol, jk. but anyways, this is an excellent piece, and the 'say you understand' part fits just fine, especially at the end, because it leaves with the task of thinking up waht happens next, which is good. good write, and glad to have you back.
I know how you feel. I hate being the person who gets left behind. Now you’re gone, but the pictures remain I love that line. But personally, its more than pictures for me. Its all that emotion that they took with them when they left. and the feeling of complete emptiness. Ugh. I love it. But it stands so true for me that it makes me hurt. I wish be like... read this. THIS is how I feel. This is how YOU made me feel. I hope your having better luck than myself. -Andrya
It's a nice poem, some lines I realy liked. But I don't like part when you say "Say you understand..." it spoils the concept. Repeating this lines you are making it vorse. But it is still good.
I really like this. But it seems to me like you have a rhyming style but it goes away and comes back again. I perfer a steady rhyming style if there's going to be one. But this is very well written and I love it a lot.
hey butterfly bullets boy... great to see you posted! this kinda has the romeo and juliet quality to it but this is a whle lot more yummy'er! and i cannot pinpoint a fav line coz the whole thing is peppered with the most amazingly gorgeously sad images. i wish i could give you a decent comment but i just cant tonight though that is not a reflection on your poem but rather on my world so i shall shut up now and revisit this sometime soon... awesome to see your overcoming your block!
this is amazing! This truely is a great song, everything went on with a flow that you can almost get the rythmn to sing it out loud. and the message is so beautiful. i love everything about it, definently going straight to favs.
i love it... "We were romance , suicide We would slow dance as we die inside" those r wonderful lines... i dunno, maybe its b/c ive felt this way b4-u wanting some1 there, u wanting some1 to understand u, some1 to be honest with u, and in reality, u wanting to be honest with urself...but it never seems to work out the way u want it...and it sucks..owell... overall great write-and if u have music to this, i would love to hear it-cuz it sounds like it would be a great song ps-copeland=amazing
Submission Name: A Slow Dance in Open Flame
Virgil 
