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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stumbledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: winged_writer_robyn
    ASL Info:    16/f/wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 116/162/44
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 927
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 905



    Description:
       I wrote this in church today. it's about how I keep "stumbling" over the same sins. yeah...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStumbledots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wander
    in circles
    and I keep falling
    over
    the same
    stupid
    rock.
    See, if I was smart,
    I'd walk
    AROUND the rock,
    or I'd move it...
    But, I'm not that smart...
    I don't learn.
    I make the same
    stupid
    mistakes
    over
    and over
    and then I back up
    and do it again.
    I think
    "maybe this time
    the rock will move"
    YEAH, RIGHT.
    I think
    "Maybe this time
    the rock will become a pillow"
    SURE.
    I think
    "Maybe this time
    I can jump over it"
    IT'S A BIG ROCK!
    And that rock
    blocks
    a lot of good things
    waiting on another track.
    Maybe I should
    stop
    walking in circles
    and find
    a better path.




    Submitted on 2004-10-10 20:43:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really don't have any writing advice to give you that hasn't already been given, but all I gave to say is you are not the only one. As a people our history constantly repeats, that is just the way things are. Anyway, good luck with finding a "better path".
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by Delirium | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...writing advice is what you want, huh?

    Okay.

    You're way of starting a new line every time to emphasize your point makes sense, but I'm not sure if you have to make the lines so short.

    For certain parts, like trying to emphasize:

    "I wander
    in circles
    and I keep falling
    over
    the same
    stupid
    rock. "

    This makes sense the way you wrote it. However, when you're trying to put something in quotations, you should probably keep it all on the same line.

    All in all, it's good.

    ~Aubrey
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by Elven Eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      we all make mistakes, and it's not about being dumb or smart. I't s about learning from them. I don't know what u do or don't do... that the thing only u can know, but a lot of ppl make the same mistakes, and you know, i think you already know that, until u will learn to go around or take another road, that "rock" will always be there. I don't want to sound smart, I'm not...I have my own mistakes that i repeat and I can't get out from the circle of the same events. I also know that you have to break that chain...
    Your poem is awesome, it really is cool..and the way you kind of repeated the first few and last few lines, really makes in circular, and the capitalization...it's a good poem. You put emphazis on the main words - which is a cool technique! Great Job! I hope u'll break that chain, and keep on writting!
    Looking forward to see some new stuff!
    Olianna
    | Posted on 2004-10-10 00:00:00 | by Olianna | [ Reply to This ]


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