Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Handwritingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 746
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 452



    Description:
       I just wrote this and submitted it, so I know it'll need some tweaking. I don't even know what to call this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHandwritingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    His handwriting grew smaller when he was starved,
    battered and jagged after he was beaten.
    He defiantly wrote though that was his crime
    not knowing if anyone would ever read it,
    yet he had no desire for immortality,
    for he knew his life would soon end.
    Words were the only things still under his control,
    and he played with them as cruelly and daringly
    as his captors toyed with his life.




    Submitted on 2004-10-11 07:45:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "he was starved" is a bit odd in my ears. but I learned yesterday that what sounds odd in my ears musn't necassarily be wrong (had to do an English test at university, the beginning was okay and easy but then it became harder...). anyway the only question I have about this piece is why is writing his crime?? that's what I don't understand. yes, words can be very powerful but if no one ever reads them...
    that's my only criticism. the rest is very good.
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey! This reminds me so much of a story that was recently on the news around my area. A young boy was locked up in his room and starved. Literally. They showed part of his starved body on the news, it was horrible. This poem makes it real in my mind. All he had was himself during those times. I love this twist on it, that he only had words to help him escape. Good job. :)
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Please... Mandela was hardly ill treated hey... I thought this was well written. It reads easily and creates vivid images of the poor suffering writer. Well done as usual... I don't think you need to rest... your talent is still very much alive and well.
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      Have you ever read George Orwells 1984? coz this has serious overtones of the main character: this makes really vivid links to emotions and images and your control of words really helps people to connect: another great job. That reaminds me: I need to write in my journal: thanks 4 the read
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by littlecoombs | [ Reply to This ]
      I won't get into as much spacifics as joey but I agree you could tighten it up some. Don't get me wrong, I always like your work and look forward to each new one I see and this piece was still enjoyable as usual.
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, but I kind of want more. Is this about Solzhenitzen [I know I'm spelling that wrong] or Mandela, somebody else, or just a generic poem? Anyway, I like what you've got so far-some tweaking I'm suggesting [as always, feel free to take or leave it].

    His handwriting grew smaller when he was starved, – MAYBE CHANGE ‘WAS STARVED’ TO ‘HADN'T EATEN FOR DAYS’?? ADD COMMA AT END TO CONTINUE THOUGHT
    battered and jagged after he was beaten – MAYBE DROP ‘IT WAS’??
    He defiantly wrote though it sent him there
    Not knowing if anyone would ever read it
    he had no desire for immortality – DELETE ‘YET’
    For he knew his life would soon end
    Words the only things still under his control – DELETE ‘WERE'
    He played with them as cruelly and daringly
    As his captors toyed with his life
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    27633

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The World written by jjd
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry