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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Linz
    ASL Info:    24/f/Ne
    Elite Ratio:    2.52 - 86/118/44
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1065



    Description:
       This is a sort of fantasy i guess you could say.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Someone as a kidnapper
    to tie and bind me tight
    a lite slap will do
    to make this just right

    Carry me to the car
    thrown in the backseat
    its all to him tonight
    on where he wants his "beef"

    Hauled down some stairs
    tossed onto the bed
    one true struggle
    i'm not to win

    Arms bound up
    legs drawn out
    blindfold still in tact
    just waiting for him to attack

    Tie me, bite me
    make me flinch
    hot water cold water, burning candle wax
    to cover every inch

    Then do it hard
    do it rough
    do it long
    don't give up

    Keep it going till I scream
    this is my dream
    the ultimate rush
    a single fantasy

    A special dream
    to come true
    thanks to someone
    probably not you

    The one who
    loves me
    The one who's with me through the night
    to make sure every things right.




    Submitted on 2004-10-11 19:49:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is disturbing. The rhyme only makes it moreso. OK, I'm glad you want this to happen, so maybe it'll happen to you over me. You have some grammar problem. It should be "everything's" or "everything is." It's also "intact."
    | Posted on 2004-10-12 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved this poem. and although the previous person who commented mentioned some "capitalization issues", it was clear that you capitalized only the first line of a stanza, and that's fine. i have certain ways of capitalizing, depending on the feel of the poem.
    anyway, i loved it, keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by aliciaflower04 | [ Reply to This ]
      ...Wow. Very powerful and sensual, and I totally agree with it's label as 'Dark'. You've done an awesome job on this, it conveys your ideas very well. Maybe some spelling and capitalization issues, but altogether I absolutely LOVED this.
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by lesser_threat | [ Reply to This ]


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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    27716

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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