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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Why Should I Wait?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: secret moon
    Elite Ratio:    6.54 - 687/427/57
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1174
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 967



    Description:
       As much as it bugs me when people say this, I don't want any suggestions as to how to fix this poem because it's older and I like it just how it is. . . one of my best ones, I daresay. I just wanted to share it with you guys, and if you have something that you MUST say to correct, go ahead and tell me, you might get lucky and change my mind. . .


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy Should I Wait?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why should I wait
    Here, for you?
    I see you linger, I
    See you laugh
    You welcome all the
    Others, and yet
    I am your
    Most Faithful
    Never have
    I departed from you.
    And yet, you sing and dance
    Not ever giving me even a
    Glance.

    Why should I wait
    Here, for you?
    You do not care
    It痴 plain to see
    Your interest is in all
    But me.
    And I the one who cares the most
    And yet, you seem to
    Pass me by, not even
    Recognizing me.

    Why should I wait
    Here, for you?
    You give me naught but pain and sorrow
    And yet, and yet...
    I値l be here tomorrow
    As always.
    When all the others have gone away
    You値l find me here
    Yes, I値l stay.

    Why should I wait
    Here, for you?
    And yet, beside of all the rejection
    I値l wait.




    Submitted on 2004-10-11 21:21:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm glad you prefaced this by saying you like it as it is and don't want suggestions. Personally, I love suggestions because I almost never pay much attention to them unless they are so damn insightful that they open my eyes to something that really helps the piece say what I was trying to say. In those cases, I've learned something about poetry, and often, about myself. This is clearly not the case here, because you are obviously very happy about the way you've relayed your message, and for good reason.

    Why we tolerate the kind of behavior you describe here is so strange to outsiders. But they don't live in our shoes do they? Once you've commited your heart, it's hard to pull it back, even if it's killing you to stay. The only advice I would give here (and I've been down that road a few times) is that the way a person treats other people is usually embedded in them, and they rarely change it. A guy that hits a girl will usually always be that way. One that cheats on another will do it again, and so on. If this piece is confessional, I wish you all the luck in the world and hopes that this guy can be changed...
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Very intense poem, alot of feeling involved. I can't put my finger on it but it feels like something is missing, I have a feeling I'll like some of your other work more.
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by Star_searcher | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really intensly written piece. This piece seemed to have come from somewhere deep down inside. I did not find the usage of the words "Why should I wait" repetitive. I felt that they added something to the piece. Something I can't quite describe. I don't think I would change anything even if someone told you that you should. Don't listen to them. They are probably crazy. I have to agree with Darc on the potato thing.
    ~Ravenwood
    | Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by Ravenwood | [ Reply to This ]
      sydney this was a really super d duperly great one!lol dont ask. but i enjoyed your first stanza the most.

    Why should I wait
    Here, for you?
    I see you linger, I
    See you laugh
    You welcome all the
    Others, and yet
    I am your
    Most Faithful
    Never have
    I departed from you.
    And yet, you sing and dance
    Not ever giving me even a
    Glance.

    that stood out to me the most! i have to say this is a really good write!
    bren
    | Posted on 2004-10-12 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww. Makes me want to give the person in this a great big hug lol. We all get like this. On the strictly technical aspect... it's pretty staccato in rythm at some places. But on the whole, a good write
    | Posted on 2004-10-12 00:00:00 | by whiteknight | [ Reply to This ]
      I know what you mean about the "because it's older and I like it just how it is" part! The 3 feeble postings I put up, I feel the same way about. I do like your poem and I think there are thousands of people that can relate. They just needed to read your poem to admit to themselves that these were their feelings.
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by rkparkers | [ Reply to This ]
      Why should I wait
    Here, for you?
    I see you linger, I
    See you laugh

    I have kind of felt like that before. maybe I am just putting this into what I thought you meant. But kind of watching someone you love from a distance and it hurts to see them happy without you. Good work and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by FeelingAlive | [ Reply to This ]
      "Your interest is in all
    But me."

    "And yet, and yet...
    I値l be here tomorrow"

    I like these lines the most, they stood out to me, but in a good way. If you like it then that's all that matters, because they're your thoughts and your writing.
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by Amberdy | [ Reply to This ]
      old poems are toughies...you come to know and love them.....I liked the romantic thought of this...a person that is possibly unable to rationalize the flaws of another or perhaps just accepting of the fact
    that the knowledge of how right it could be came to her first....and yet and yet...my favorite bit...she's frustrated...hurt...forlorn...and yet and yet...that's way cool.
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Bah! I know EXACTLY how you feel, honey, and there's no good way to put up with it. Writing may be your best option-at least you're good at it, unlike the rest of us. I like that you specified that you don't want correction comments. I don't think there's anything that you could change-repetition is a form of poetry, and if they can't see that, they can shove a potato where the sun don't shine, eh? I love it, I love you, I want to read more! -Archadya
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by Darc Archadya | [ Reply to This ]
      Why should you wait then?? Pretty good poem but the Why should I wait for you was repetitive but after thought it would seem that to open with that in every stanza really kept the form of your writing. Good job but again its all about your form of expression.
    | Posted on 2004-10-11 00:00:00 | by AFireInside01 | [ Reply to This ]
      As you said, you don't need to change a thing! it's powerful and brings across pictures that few people can in this world!
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by StarAcabar | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    27735

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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