Description: full title: "someone turn off the michael bolton"
michael bolton is just a bunch of blarney and hogwash to me when i'm cynical.
EDIT: for joe's suggestion. thanks!
turn off the michael bolton -------------------------------------------
her spoon hits the carton bottom
like a thirsting man's wasted water droplet;
delayed reaction of the full import of the matter,
manic regret at seeing it go.
no sick days left to mourn the loss of a warm
body to burrow into,
the perk she misses the most.
Ah, Lover! she knew his desires well.
she's quit listening for footfalls clad in
the softest socks that ever toed up her leg
and talked her into it.
he didn't linger long enough to stain her
skin with his wicked way of laughing or
to leave joyful Couple Pictures in silver frames -
He wasn't the one. she knew it when
he said "i love you," and lied.
that's why it doesn't hurt so much
in the afterglow of hindsight.
wow, im only the billionth comment, so either way i go on approval it will probably not phase you at all. which gives me so much freedom here, because i can forego delicacy and be brutally honest without fears of hurting feelings because you have good reviews to comfort yourself with..unfortunately for my more vindictive, sadist side, its good. nothing id change, this isnt a critique piece, its just something no one but you could decide to change. i liked it. and you have to believe i did and im not just saying that because if i didnt, in the mood im in, i would really let you know.. good job. bolton sucks.
i fu-cking love the title because i fu-cking hate micheal bolton. ugh. i saw this title somewhere on here on someone elses page and just smiled massively to myself. there is such control in your title, because i would possibly have added a few [hundred]expletives and described in painful and slow detail 13 enjoyable ways to kill him in a very time consuming fashion acting out the most amount of torture and anxiety. now i may have offended you because you say you love michale bolton, and i am sorry for that. do not take the posters down from you wall or sell you signed cd on ebay. the poem is nice, and i want to come back and give it my in depth thoughts, but i need to get images of garotting michael bolton out of my head first, take care indeed on1eday
Blew me away. This was insightful, and really passionate. I felt this, and I'm pretty sure I felt what you felt. This makes me think of someone sitting on the couch after a break-up with a carton of Ben and Jerry's. You don't want to see the sweet couples on TV, or hear passionate love songs. Misery loves company, and I love this poem.
Forget Bolton altogether, this poem came out so great! What a chilling sense of loneliness and regret that reeks from it's flow, this is what "poetry" was meant to be made of. The best part though (in my opinion) is the expression of willingness to move on in the end...
Almost sounds like a one-night stand. The creepy one that says "I love you" when they don't even know your last name. Michael Bolton completes the mood perfectly, that white, forced faux soul, trying to create a mood unreachable and unnecessary for this quick cure to loneliness. No need to even take socks off.
I'm not sure if the inconsistencies in capitalization are intentional. I'm guessing they are since it's been so long and no changes yet (not that I have a problem with that)...I like the way it sits in one piece, giving it the feeling of a story, which I guess it is. Love your choice of descriptive imagery, especially "joyful Couple Pictures in silver frames"(nice use of caps there)...loneliness is no laughing matter, but this has a light kind of feel to it, leaving the reader feeling the subject will be just fine. Very nice work, can't wait to read more.
I love the title cause i hate michael bolton:P so a sarcastic thank you for making me picture him and his awful late 80's/early 90's hair;)
i'm no good at constructive criticism but one thing, the perk she misses the most line I would make a line by itself, sometimes it's hard to fit things in the small box here but it's like that line and the line behind are 3 lines written as two. I love the beginning and the end, they're like bookends of a wonderful description/image, putting us for a moment in this girl's life.
The impression I get with this is of a relationship bordering on the physical, without the love (the "I love you" lie you mentioned). I loved the way you painted this picture, the way I relate to it is that of someone enduring a relationship that wasn't really made to work. Sure, the person may give you the usual chills of pleasure and a few smiles, but I guess you know when the feeling doesn't necessarily follow. I seem to be rambling =P but anyway, I get what you're trying to say. Hope I made sense A beautiful piece. Keep it up!
I really liked the feeling and bittersweetness of this poem. I think the line "her spoon hits the carton bottom " is priceless as well as the no sick days left to mourn. It brings back all those feelings of unrequited love.
If this is you I like you already. I love, " she's quit listening for footfalls of the softest socks that ever toed up her leg" it says it all, freespirit, independent, you just don't want to be caught. And like me, you'll shimmy like a serpent, to avoid captivity. This is truly well woven, right down to "no more sick days at work" No doubt, "I love you" means goodbye! Excellent write! nansofast
Ah! Yes! The aftermath of afterglow. The loss that is no loss. A few more scoops and his name will be mint-chocolate chip. Even "I love you" couldn't save this poor wretch from the scrap heap. We must all realize there is no subsitute for honesty.
My only suggestions (minor): Lime break after loss, maybe? And capital "T" on "that's.
Loved your poem. Found it very insightful. A dlimpse of the other side of a breakup. My male perspective left me in sympathy with your desirous friend. Too bad he didn't have his heart where his mouth was.