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    dots Submission Name: used to bedots

    Author: besodemuerte
    ASL Info:    31/f/pa
    Elite Ratio:    5.83 - 242/253/27
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1598
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 745

       an older poem.. i just reread it after ahving it posted for a long time now... i dont like the simplicity of it...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsused to bedots

    as i stare into the desolate skies
    i can see the tears pour from your eyes
    i can hear the silence beckoning death
    in every star and every breath

    yet the light is dim as you fade away
    and i can't say what i want to say
    so emptiness sings her saddened song
    and sooner or later the moment's gone

    still i stare at the place you used to stand
    and hold the space that was your hand
    and breathe the air that touched your lips
    and touch the soul that my heart grips

    but frustration makes me start to cry
    as i wait for you i turn and sigh
    and hope it's me that you think of
    because i know it's you i love.

    Submitted on 2004-10-12 23:58:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like how you started the poem with his tears in the first stanza and finish with yours in the last stanza, "and breathe the air that touched your lips" very powerful, everyone speaks of pain and sorrow, love and lost love, but once in a blue moon someone will write a line like that very nice, the rhyme scheme was basic but that left more energy for the reader to listen to what was being said, another plus is the words you chose, they really set the mood like desolate, frustration, beckoning, emptiness, sadness,
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]
      I know that he feels the same way. It is heck to miss someone, especially their touch, isn't it? Hang in there kiddo! He'll be home soon.
    | Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by rkparkers | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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