Description: an older poem.. i just reread it after ahving it posted for a long time now... i dont like the simplicity of it...
used to be -------------------------------------------
as i stare into the desolate skies
i can see the tears pour from your eyes
i can hear the silence beckoning death
in every star and every breath
yet the light is dim as you fade away
and i can't say what i want to say
so emptiness sings her saddened song
and sooner or later the moment's gone
still i stare at the place you used to stand
and hold the space that was your hand
and breathe the air that touched your lips
and touch the soul that my heart grips
but frustration makes me start to cry
as i wait for you i turn and sigh
and hope it's me that you think of
because i know it's you i love.
i like how you started the poem with his tears in the first stanza and finish with yours in the last stanza, "and breathe the air that touched your lips" very powerful, everyone speaks of pain and sorrow, love and lost love, but once in a blue moon someone will write a line like that very nice, the rhyme scheme was basic but that left more energy for the reader to listen to what was being said, another plus is the words you chose, they really set the mood like desolate, frustration, beckoning, emptiness, sadness,
Submission Name: used to be
