it starts with an ending -------------------------------------------
like children
jumping in puddles
soaking each other
wading..
drenched in
ambiguity
held by
the sincerity of:
“all we know is all we are”
ha!
when all we know is circles
and hope is uncertain
maybe we should take a peak
under the curtain...
see the actors rehearsing
the backdrops being painted
the girls dressing make-up
the director jaded
and suggest a line or two
a few to improve?
or maybe
just sit quietly
watching
and waiting
for a space
and then slip in
become part of the dance
and the heart
and the song
and the moment..
the crescendo
rises to
its perfect denouement
and the actors bow
and exit
and I’m left
on the stage with a single rose
i’d caught as it was thrown
tearing petal
after petal
whispers of
she loves me
she
loves
me
not
until all that is left
is the stem and the thorns
and a cut
that won’t stop
painting
puddles
i hate you because youre much more clever than i am and i want to take every single good comment ive been given and pass them to you because my style is much more universal and for some reason well liked but yours is so much more deserving..
dude this rocks, what an ending..i love the performance/play thing..it READS like it's performed, the confidence and smile i see on the narrator's face when i read it in my head. and I LOVE the title. maybe it's cause you're both british but I kept thinking of Clive Barker when i read this(but i DID only get one hour of sleep...but Clive rules too).
denouncement or a new word i've never seen before (in which case ignore me)?
i read it forwards, and the backwards (although it is interesting backwards, the bittersweet within me likes it forwards better) and then just my favorite lines. it's a lovely piece drawn together rather than written with a heavy hand bent on including obscure vocabulary (which done wrong can muddle the picture irreversibly)
you let the form say something for you rather than use more words with the "loves me not" thing which is ace. the title is great and the piece is good - job well done. whee!
read your poem backwards, gave a feel of how one longs for an innocent love..the title wears the body well.., very interesting poem, quite inspiring too, it was so gentle. Thanks for sharing. Hope...
this is amazing i really really love this piecei like how at the beginning your not sure how puddles connect to theater then it all ties in i feel like the narrator is about 5 years old or me acting like im 5 its really worded and composed wonderfully you capture theater and everyones desire for a little light thanks for this
I feel like this entire piece is an amazing show of how as young children we play and imagine what it is like to be older, and when your older you miss the easier care free days... Its like no matter what your age is you'll be wishing your were older or younger. I also feel like this is saying love is a game for the young, what made me feel that was this
she
loves
me
not
until all that is left is the stem and the thorns and a cut that won’t stop forming puddles
I think that is absolutley brilliant...There (at least as I see it) is a lot being said in this piece. Well done-John
I enjoye this a lot. It's very short and sweet and makes a lot of sense. I hope to read more stuff like this. This is the good stuff that people write. I like writing things like this.
The metaphor of child-like play in the setting of a relationship was quite clever and well written here. The fear of wounding and vulnerability were captured in the last lines with brillance.
I really enjoyed reading this write. Quite a game indeed.
I first read your two latest... Given my position, disposition, juxtaposition, contraposition, I chose not to respond. Rough edges there would make a comment like licking juice from the tintop. It could lead to more serious wounds from the jagged edges than banging your head with the tin opener until the desire for sweetness goes away. This is however brilliant. Many intriguing twists and turns. I had no desire to read this backwards though (maybe because I have always read magazines and newspapers from the back). So, a rondeau of sorts, well not poetically, but it does come back to the start again. Well done.
Submission Name: it starts with an ending
